Our Little Swimmer

When Layla was first born she hated her bath. In fact when Grammy was here and we would bath her, her screams where so bad we thought something was wrong with her. Over the weeks the screaming became less and less. then one day during her bath she discovered herself in the mirror and started to smile. It was nice to have her enjoy her bath. Jatovi then had an idea...fill up the bath tub and let her bath in it. Well I wasn't sure what her really had in mind, but I said sure. Well he started to fill up the garden tub...and by fill I mean to the top. We put bubbles in it and Jatovi held her the whole time and boy did she love it! She kicked her feet played in the bubbles and really seem to like it. We did this again a few days later and then decided that the garden tub full of water for a 10 min infant bath is not good so we have been using the sink since. She likes the sink just the same although the mess she makes with her kicking is terrible some times!

So this got us thinking....would she like to swim outside. Well after a trip to walmart and a baby pool later we tried. The first time Jatovi set her in it she started to cry. Well Daddy was not going to give up. He continued to warm up the water for her and try again, with success this time. She loved it! So does this mean she will be a swimmer? Or just enjoy the water...who knows but it is fun watching her discover the water.

Canada

First Trip Home Pictures

First Trip Home

I want to start by saying Layla is smiling now! It makes my day seeing her beautiful smile. She started at about 7-8 weeks although by week 9 it was all the time.She seems most happy in the morning, after her breakfast feed see will sit and smile and make nosies. She seems to copy what you are doing, like sticking out your tongue, or making kisses with your lips.Layla still cries several times a week in the evening...in fact she is crying right now! But thankfully Jatovi is home tonight to walk the floor with her. Due to the Durham Bulls evening games I am usually here alone with the crying..and it is hard. So seeing the smile during the day makes the evening more bearable!
On June 30 Layla and I hoped on a plane and flew north! I wanted Layla to be at home for her first Canada Day. This meant she missed July 4th but I am sure she will see more of them in her life time than Canada Day's. We were there for 6 days and it was great. Uncle Corb and Jeff came home as well. Jatovi couldn't come because of work, so her was able to catch up on sleep..lucky guy! Layla loved uncle Jeff. Jeff tried with his attitude at first "I don't do babies" But not 10 minutes in the house Jeff couldn't put her down. Layla would watch him, smile and talk to him. It was so nice to see Jeff's soft side. I even started to call on Jeff to sit with her when she was crying...didn't see that coming. My mom had friends and family over on Saturday to meet Layla. It was so nice to see everyone, and Layla has more clothes now than I do.
We spent and afternoon with my good friends Angela,Tara and Kim.I miss everyone so much so I love seeing them. My parents were of course so happy we were there. I love how much they love her. I am so thankful Layla has brought my mom and I so close. For once in my life I think of her as my best friend. I have heard of others say that about there mom's and didn't get it. I do now, when ever something happens after Jatovi I can't wait to call my mom. I see that Layla and I can have a good relationship as well.
What I want to remember is the feeling I felt the first time I went into her room and see was crying. I picked her up and the biggest smile came across her face! Oh I felt my heart stop..it was magical!
I also want to remember my parents face when Layla and I came around the corner at the airport...pure joy!

" The Purple Cry"

In the hosptial they made us watch a video called "The Purple Cry". They said it is mandatory of everyone to watch..both parents. They then send you home with a copy to show anyone that will be caring for your child. So this is a GREAT idea...becuase I hate the purple cry! The purple cry is really just a new name for a fussy period. They calm that a baby will have periods of crying that can be prolonged and there is nothing you can do to stop them from crying.The education has been started to prevent shaken baby because this is usually when a child is at risk for being shaken. They clam it is a naormal part of baby development and it can start at 2 weeks, peaks at about 8 weeks and is over by like 3-4months. Well I guess we are at our peak because the purple cry is out of control! At first her fussy time was from 11pm until about 2am. That was horriable, but this is bad as well. It starts about 9pm and goes to about 11. She does cry the whole time but does cry and fuss. The bad part is by then I am ready for bed, and so should she! As I have said before I want her on a routine and in my head thay has her going to bed at about 7 or 8. Well she will look sleepy, in fact sometimes even goes to sleep, but then like an alarm clock at 9 she is wide awake and miserable! It doesn't happen everynight and some nights she only cries for a few minutes and the rest of the time she is awake and fussy. But sometimes she cries on and off for like and hour or 2. The video states it can last up to 5hours, so I guess it can be worse.
The best part of this is I have Jatovi. He doesn't get bothered by it, in fact he is the one to deal with her. He puts her on his shoulder and walks around the house. I get to go to bed and try to sleep through it. This is most nights and and when he isn't home I go nuts. She still is not a fan of the swing...but she loves to bounce. Sitting in her bouncy chair and me bouncing her does work sometimes.
So the postive in this is the 4-5 hrs she sleeps after, and that we are at the peak 8 week time. Boy when this phase is over I will be so happy!

8 weeks....WOW!

So my Layla Bug is 8 weeks old and I can't believe it. Time is going so fast, and she is getting so big. 11.6lbs and 22.5cm long, wow! 3 needles later and only a few tears, mostly from me and we are done with the doctor again for 2 months. The doctor started Layla on zantac to see if that helps with the throwing up. She throws up after every meal and most times several times. This causes for a lot of tears for her and frustration on my part..so maybe the zantac will help. I have heard that being a parent teaches you things...well lesson number one...I can't control everything. I really want and need her to be on a schedule. Eat at certain times, go to bed at a certain time, and sleep certain hours...and she won't do any of this! My life would be so much better if she did not see 11PM as her bedtime.Yup she goes to bed after her 11 feed. Way to late for someone who likes to go to bed early. I have tried everything and its like a light bulb goes off and she is awake. I should try to look at the positive she then sleeps for 4 hrs. Which after the every 2-2.5hrs she did last month is awesome. SO I will try to focus on the good and hope that she goes to bed earlier in the coming weeks.
She can hold her head up for prolonged periods, and smiles all the time. Her smile is beautiful if only it were there all the time. You just don't know when she is gonna break out in a big grin.
The other big news is she is in her own room! It has been a week and after 3 attempts and a lot of tears from me she made it. What I want to remember from this month is the pain I felt moving her into her own room. Not because I love having a broken heart but because with every long night of her crying I knew then just how much I loved her! Through all the sleepless nights, and crying fits I could not bear to see her grow up and be so far away. I loved having her close to me but it was time. We knew it was time because she moves so much and we kept finding her with her legs out the sides, of her head up against the side of the bassinette..it was time for more space. She didn't seem to care..but I took it really hard! So the big girl is in her room, sleeping longer and getting big. Wow I can't believe it..next month our first trip together to Canada. I can't wait to take her home. I know her passport says she is American but to me she will always be Canadian!

Dressing a Girl

So everyone knows I wanted a boy. But today I decided that one advantage to having a girl is I can dress her in the best clothes! Maybe my love of shopping will help us have a bond she and Jatovi can't have. I still worry from time to time about our relationship long term, but I have decided to let it go. I am madly in love with her and hope she will always feel the same about me.

The Journey Begins!

Layla is 1 month old, and I can't believe it. I love her more and more everyday. She is 20.5inches long and 8.2lbs. She no longer fits into new born clothes, well not easily anyways. She is very long and her toes would be crunched up at the end. She is perfect, beautiful in every way. I am not kidding myself and think everyone thinks she is perfect though. Since I am a tad older than my friends with having a child I have had several years of thinking"when I am a mom I won't do that" and one of those things is expect everyone to think my child is perfect and beautiful. I can't stand mothers like that. A mother is suppose to think that about their own child, but no one else has to think that. I have several friends that I think have really ugly children...but I am sure their mothers don't see it.
Layla is an OK baby, again I don't think she behaves perfectly. She cries at night between 11-12 or 1 a couple of times a week. During the day she sleeps looks around and eats. But I am lucky Jatovi is a fantastic dad he has all the patients in the world with her. They have their time at night together. I go to bed and he stays up with her. I think he looks forward to it, I think he likes feeling like he is making her feel better. And he does as soon as I go up to bed I hear her calming down. I am breastfeeding....and I hate it! But I feel as a mother it is my responsibility to at least try to breastfeed her. It is the natural food for her and best for her. If I can do at least 3 months I will be happy. My goal of course is the recommended 6 months. Other than the first week of nipple pain, it has gone well. She latches well and I have a good supply. I just really like to sleep and wish Jatovi could do the 3am feeds! But for now I will be happy with the knowledge I am doing the best thing I can for Layla.
My only frustration is that she doesn't really like her swing. She cries as soon as you put her in it, even before it is on. She will sit in her bouncy seat for a little while. The only thing other than being held that she likes is her boppy pillow. I won't let anyone hold her for long periods and she doesn't sleep in our bed(other than when I dowse off during feeds). I have managed to keep these rules up. Even during the week that Grammy stayed with us. My mom spent 2 weeks here, 1 week without my dad. It was a great week. I feel so much closer to my Mom after that week. She was such a great help, but really I just enjoyed having her to myself. I don't remember anytime it was just the 2 of us, my dad is always there.I will treasure that week for ever. Layla is lucky to have grandparents that love her so much.
The thing I wish I would remember for ever is how much I love watching Jatovi with her. I fell in love with him all over again. He is kind, gentle and patient with her. I find him sitting and watching her sleep. It takes him like 20min to change a diaper, and he always asks me to swaddle her because he doesn't think he can do it right. He "steals"my breast milk from the fridge because I think he loves feeding her...she can't be that hungry all the time when I am sleeping! He holds her like she is made of porcelain and he is going to break her any minute. But I wouldn't change a thing! I sure made the right choice of fathers for her,they are going to have a great relationship.
As for me, it still doesn't seem real to me. I have often thought "she is going to be with me the rest of my life" My love for her is stronger and stronger everyday. If I am out and call and she is crying it breaks my heart. My favorite thing about her is the look she gets after I have upset her. After a bath, or something she deems terrible while I nurse her she has this look in her eyes that says"how could you do that to me, I thought you loved me" It breaks my heart and puts a smile on my face at the same time! It is such a cute look.
I can't wait to see her smile...on purpose!

Breaking News....I am a MOM!!

I did not get to enjoy my 2 weeks off...on Friday April23 at 0257 my(our)life changed forever. Layla Katherine McDuffie was born!
On Thursday night I went for dinner with Susannah and we took a long walk. I had my usual "tightenings" that happened when I walked but once we stopped they stopped. I headed home about 2130, and headed upstaires to get ready for bed. I saw the nursery door was left opened, I went into the room and as I waslked in I felt fluid running down my leg. OMG...I was peeing myself. I tried running to the bathroom, but with every step there was more and more fluid. It was clear this was my water breaking! I started to call Jatovi over and over. You see he was at work at the Durham Bulls, but the game should have been almost over. After what felt like a life time (but was like 15min) he called me back.I felt so much better just hearing his voice and knowing he was on his way. The doctor on call was Dr.Andrew's, not my favorite, but when I called him he was really re asurring. I also called Miss McDuffie incase Jatovi didn't call back, and my Dad so they could start looking into plane tickets. So Jatovi and I were on our way to the hosptial, me sitting on a towel hoping not to get amonotic fluid all over the car. I was most worried about when the pain would start. I kept thinking any seconds the most pain I would ever feel would start...contractions! But they never came. At the hospital they found that yes my water brook, but I was not in labour. Infact my cervix was still closed and thick, and the babys head was not engaged yet. Based on this with the cardic issues a c/s was planned. Dr Andrews thought that even with a pitocin drip I would not have a vaginal delivery because "my body" was not ready. We did not want to risk infection so it would be done then!
Jatovis parents were at the hopsital with us, and my parents were kept updated via text message and calls. They were going to fly down in the morning.
The c/s went better than I thought, in fact way better. Very little pain over all, nothing a couple of motrin couldn't fix. She cried and had apgars of 9 and 9! It did feel like a life time from when they said she was being born until I herd a cry, but nobody else seemed to worry. Perm was the doctor on and I couldn't have been happier, I think this made the overall experience so much better. I trusted him completely with her life! After Jatovi took some pictures and he held her, they took her to the nursery. I was alone, but aft5er some nice drugs I dosed on and off. I then heard the nurse call the nursery to ask"What was baby girl McDuffies wieght" here it was the moment I had been waiting for....how had my diabeties effected her. 6lbs 7oz....what that can't be right that was perfect....I was so pleased.
We were in the hosptial until monday morning. The weekend is kinda a blurr. People visiting, no sleep, and painful breastfeeding. But our journey had begun!

Done with work 2 weeks early!

Well the doctor has taken me off work. She feels that I need 2 weeks with stable blood sugars before she is born, this will hopefully help avoid her having sugar issues at birth. At first I was disappointed, failed at another thing. I couldn't even make it working up to her birth, however I am over that. I can sit back and enjoy the time, how ever long I have before our world is changed for ever. Others can feel "pride" or what ever it is that they feel because they were able to work but I am ok with the holiday I have been given! Now lets hope I can get my sugars better regulaited, and hope it was work that is the problem.

36 weeks

So I am 36 weeks, if she doesn't have any plans of her own she will be here May 3. They have scheduled my c/s for May 3 at 0800 at DRH. I have mixed feelings about it. The main reason is my heart. I have had issues for years, tachycardia. It had been resolved until I was pregnant and it came back, and worse this time. When they did my holter monitor the end of February it showed that I was having triplet PVC's, and a lot of them. So they don't know what would happen during the the stress of labour so a c/s was recommended. The second reason my OB has said is that gestational diabetics have large babies, and there are many risks involved with the delivery of a large baby. SO I went ahead and agreed that this was my best option. I was generally fine with this until a co-worker called it an elective c/s, that pissed me off. This decision was not easy and I am doing for the health of my daughter and I. Anyways I don't think my OB would do an "elective c/s".
On other news my blood sugars are doing much better. They are not perfect yet, which is disappointing but they are much better. The increased dose at bedtime has helped. I am sure it is too late and her size has been effected but I hope the next couple of weeks she doesn't gain a lot.I can't wait to have her on the outside and stop worrying about my blood sugars. In fact I just can't wait to meet her, see what she looks like. what she is going to act like. I am ready!! I will miss having her all to myself, and feeling her move.
I feel over all really good, the only complaint is how tired I feel at work. My days off I am fine because I can sleep in and take it easy when I need to, but work kills me. The books said "first trimester fatigue" would be back, but I am sure I was not this tired then. Good thing I only work 3 days a week!
I hope my next post is called "she is here"!!

Started on Meds!

I went to the doctors last Friday and he started me on Glyburide 2.5mg twice a day. I thought I would be devastated but I wasn't. The day before I have gone to my follow up with the dietitian and she made me feel guilty about the fact I wasn't eating enough carbs! I feel like I can't win.So in order to eat even half of what she wanted me to my sugar would go through the roof. I we made a deal and I would eat 2 carbs at each meal until I went to the doctors the next day...I did and my numbers were all too high. Since starting on the meds the numbers have been great. All well below goal. I have been staring to eat more carbs and it hasn't raised my numbers yet. I did tell the doctor that I would not mind having her now...I feel like I could take care of her better outside of me rather than what I am doing to her while she is inside of me. I do know that it is too early and she needs to stay inside for at least 4 more weeks(that would have her 37 weeks) but I feel so bad every time I eat something and then get a high number. I have heard about "Mothers Quilt" and I do get it now. What I don't get is why some women do crack and not worry and I end up in tear if I eat melon? So I have let the quilt go about taking a medication during pregnancy and have excepted that it is better for her to have the meds and not the extra sugar at this time.
I have an u/s on Wednesday. They are going to do a weight check and look at my fluid level. They of course are doing this because of her increased risk of being large. I have seen weight scans be off many times but it will be nice to have an idea. The books say at 33 weeks she should be a little over 4lbs, I think we are way ahead of that.I am also happy to get to see what position she is in. The hard bump I get at the top of my uterus in the middle has to be her bum, but I just can't tell where everything else is.My guess is she is facing my back.That would explain the big bump that sticks out and nothing else. I hope she turns again because if this is were see stays I may be in for back labour!
We ordered her nursery chair last night, and plan to do the last few things this weekend. We cancelled our child birthing class....there is the quilt again! I just don't feel like spending 2 full days sitting listeneing to it.I have better things to do like sleep, go to a movie and hang with Jatovi. It will be our last full weekend together just the 2 of us EVER! So we aren't going to the class, we are just going to enjoy the freedom while we can!

32 weeks

I have been taking my blood sugars for over 3 weeks now and it is not getting any easier. The doctors keep saying we will watch the numbers for another week and see. This is because my fasting sugars are all over the goal of 95. The highest being 111, the rest between 95 and 109. During the day I can generally keep the numbers below the goal of 120 with out too much trouble. I can't eat anything sweet which includes fruit. I thought I would miss chocolate the most...and I do miss chocolate but I am struggling with honey dew melon the most!! Weird since I don't even like it! The last month I have wanted it with every meal. I can some times have it with lunch, but only a few pieces of my sugar goes straight up. The rest of my meals are just planned out protein meals. I have eaten more eggs than in the last couple of years combined. This has been an eye opener for me. I have a 60% chance of having type 2 diabetes later in life(not really surprising since my grandparents had it) but this does show me that I need to do what I can to avoid it at all cost! Hopefully I don't forget how terrible this is and go back to my old habits. I have had good will power(for me anyways) because I DO NOT want a big baby!!!! See probably won't be 6 pounds but I am trying to avoid a 10 pound er. I did give in and go for Mexican last night, I ate about a quarter of the chips I would normally have and the rest was chicken and cheese...sugar after 130! Way to high.So this was depressing. I hope I can figure it out so they are all within normal range soon or I will be going on meds!

As for Layla, see seems great. At my last appoint I am measuring 2 weeks ahead. So her weight gain has begun. This is what I was afraid of but since I am doing everything I know to do the rest isn't up to me. At my 30 week appointment she was breech, but I think she has turned. I still may have a c/s, and I am fine with this. My birth plan is get her out the safest way with me feeling the least amount of pain possible. So a c/s works. This means if she is large I don't have to worry about the head being delivered and her shoulder getting stuck, or any of the other million things that can go wrong with having a large baby. Jatovi isn't so sure a vag delivery isn't better, but lets face it this is my body! She moves all around but the movements have changed. They aren't strong kicks any more they are "pressure" from her large body trying to move. Her room is almost ready to go. Just a few things left to do like buy her chair, wash her clothes and put the car seats in. But we do have like a good 6 weeks to go. Plenty of time!

Wow this sucks!

So I am 31 weeks and the last 2 weeks have been the hardest! I was diagnosed with gestational diabetes at 29 weeks and it has been down hill since then.
It all started with me being sent to a cardiologist d/t tachycardia. I wasn't all that concerned because I have been through this before. I have been off my medication for almost 4 years with my heart rate not causing to much problems. But during my pregnancy I have been having severe palpation's and increased HR. The cardiologist is worried about starting me back on meds while pregnant, because they will effect her heart as well. His plan was to run a ton of test and monitor me and hope to get me through the pregnancy without meds, if that is done see what my heart rate does after. He hopes when my blood volume decrease again so will my HR.
This was all fine with me, exec pt he did mention that delivery at DRH, or vaginally may not be possible. Although I don't really care about either it just bothered me that things are being left up in the air. I am a planner and the wait and see method doesn't work well for me.
Two days later I got a call..while I was at work that my blood sugar was so high at my 1 hr test that they have diagnosed me gestational diabetes. Without even doing the 3 hr test, my level was 224 and it should have been less than 140. Well I fell apart, a lot of it was because they had taken 6 days to call me after the test. I had figured by this point that things were fine, and they clearly weren't! Then they tell me I have to wait another 6 days before I can go to my teaching and and get my monitor. Well I was already stressed because of the heart issue and now this.
SO overall I feel like a failure of a mother already. I can't even get through my pregnancy without possibly harming her. AS I have mentioned before I wasn't even sure I wanted this, but once the decision was made this became the most important thing in my life, producing a healthy child. With the reality check that it may not come as easy as I thought, because the first 29 weeks was so good, I feel overwhelmed. I am tired of people telling me not to worry, saying that everything will be ok, and just down right down playing what is happening. I get that things may be ok, and that other than me eating a lot of disgusting meat everything will work out and after the pregnancy go back to normal. But I would not be human or a good mother if I didn't worry. SO to hell with you all, I will worry if I want.

27 weeks and counting...

I haven't wrote in awhile because, well I just haven't had much to say. Things have been going so well there has been nothing to report. I feel so lucky to have had such a good 27 weeks. I will admit that between 22-24 weeks I did have a lot of pain. I mean A LOT!! I felt like my pelvis was going to break into 2 pieces. Every time I walked or lifted my legs apart the pain was there. If I didn't have to move the pain wasn't around. I still get some pelvic pains every now and again but nothing like those two weeks. Once that got better things returned to normal. I enjoy sitting and feeling her move. She has clearly a lot bigger because the movements are strong, often and even hurt a little. It is the greatest feeling I have ever had! All the books I have read say to expect to feel the baby move more at night and that it is common not to feel much during the day. Well that is not true for me! Her busiest time is around 10am. On my days off I lie around until see gets up and then the fun begins! I already know that once she is born I will miss that feeling the most!
On February 2 Jatovi finally gave in and felt her move. He has only done it a few times. He really is worried that it hurts her. He keeps saying he is waiting for the bigger and stronger kicks that will come once she is bigger. I hope he doesn't wait to long and regret it. I do think it is so sweet that he is so protective of her already. I gets all concerned if I push on my belly to wake her up and get her kickin'. He will say stop bugging her, don't hurt her...I guess he doesn't realize just how protected she is.
This week brings another fun adventure for us. My parents and Aunt Mandy are coming for the weekend. We will be doing a 4D ultrasound, my baby shower, painting the nursery, and buying all the furniture. It's going to be so much fun!
I really can't wait to see her, this u/s should let us see her move as well. I feel like it's been too long since i have had an u/s. But really I have had 3 more than the average person gets so I have been ahead.
Lets hope the next 10 weeks(here's hoping that she will come at 37weeks) is as great as the first 27 have been!

Maybe Layla?

A girls name is becoming harder to find then Ben was. But after only knowing she was a girl for a day and a half I was lying in bed at 6am, still at my parents and Layla came to me. I asked Jatovi and other than his bosses mother name was Layla he said he liked it. Because both of our Grandmothers middle names were Mae/May I thought Layla Mae would be pretty. While we were still up North for the holidays we did continue to think of others, but not many names Jatvoi liked. We both liked Brooke, then my mom said she didn't like it and Jatovi changed his mind. We came up with Payton during the drive home from Canada, but those have been the only big 3. Layla Mae sounded great in Canada but putting a southern accent to change everything! So it was just Layla for a few days.It then occurred to me that I wanted to use my name some how...Layla Katherine! I love it! But as usual Jatovi won't say for sure until "he meets her" So as far as I am concerned her name is Layla Katherine until Jatovi comes up with something better!
It has been fun going through names, Layla has been the top but my parents sure have had a lot of suggestions. I have received 10-15 text message in 10 min with names listed. Jatovi also likes Julie...which is nice as well. I just want something a little more unique. I can't wait to meet Layla Katherine!

Feeling her move!

On the way to Canada in the car...she (no name yet) kicked me! It was the weirdest thing I felt. In fact I only can guess that's what it was, it startled me. But awesome none the less. Since then I can feel her move just not all the time. I can't describe it. Popcorn and butterflies are some of the ways I have read but I don't know it that's what I would call it. I hope she starts kicking more often!

OMG....It's a Girl!

December 16th Jatovi, Molly Brown and I left for Canada. The week of torture was finally coming to an end.And it was torture I tell ypu. I had the u/s tech offer to look at work, but I did the right thing and said no. I really wanted to find out with Jatovi. And I still felt that I was only going to hear what I already new...it was a boy! We stopped and picked up Jeff, Connie and Kayla on the way and we were off. As usual Jeff and I fought the whole way to Fergus. The GPS took us a different way then we were use to and he was mad at me about it. But what else is new. Once we made it to mom and Dad's house I was tired and and irritated because of the long drive and fighting with Jeff. We went into the house and there was nothing to show us the sex...I thought that was the plan? A sign "it's a boy" or something. But Mom just asked Jatovi for the envelope, we sat on the couch and opened it. I had it in my hand and pulled the ultrasound picture out first...and it was obvious...IT's a Girl!! Legs wide open and 3 bright lines! My parents were jumping around laughing and thinking this was the greatest thing ever. I was in shock. I tried to put my fears behind me and open smile but it was really hard. My mom then pulled out the pink booties and hung them all over the tree. The pink stuff was coming out of everywhere. She started handing me gifts and I opened them, still in shock. Clothes, baby monitor, diaper genie, and bath stuff. It was all awesome and much needed. She will be one well dressed little girl!
So why was I so in shock. Well as I have stated many times, I thought it was a boy. I was sure it was a boy. I haven't really been sick, just hungry. I had read that was more common with boys. And even more...I am terrified to have a girl! Yup that's right terrified! Mothers and Daughters on my side of the family don't get along so well. My mom has always been treated like crap from her mother. That is my opinion of it, but either way they are not close. My mom and I are really close...NOW! It took along time with alot of problems along the way. I think we are both very similar and this has lend to many fights and differences over the years. What can I do to make my relationship better with my daughter? I don't know. I am hoping she is more like her father, then we will be best friends. I hear all the girls talk about there great relationships with there mom's and I really want that for us. But we are many years away from that...mothering will come first. SO at this point I am trying to put my fears behind me and enjoy the fact that we are going to have a daughter!

December 9, 2009

We had our ultrasound today. The baby looks good, and they feel everything is were it should be and nothing is wrong. Because of my age we were offered a amnio but we have chosen not to have one. Once again the baby did not want to cooperate, which is getting funny at this point. The baby wouldn't let them see his heart. But after awhile they got the pictures they needed. SO the babies sex....Jatovi wanted to play games. So the plan was to have the tech write the sex down, put it in an envelope. Once that was done we went to Grandma Nora's school and she opened the envelope and looked. We then left ...still not knowing! She then called Grandma Annette and told her. They were both every happy and giggly in fact. It was nice to see them so happy, but I sure wasn't. We would not know for 8days. We would find out with my family the next week when we got home for Christmas.It was sure going to be along week....

I saw the baby today!

Yup, I saw the baby today. My friend Susannah Grant works at a clinic and preforms ultrasounds. So I was lucky that she allowed me to come in just to have a look. And I am so very glad I did. It was awesome to see him(yes I still think it's a boy) with a friend, in a nice calm setting. He was moving all around, we saw him sucking his fingers, and flipping upside down. His heart rate was 153, and we could see it beating. Before I left Jatovi kept saying "tell the lady we don't want to know the sex", well it appears that he listens to his Dad. The whole time he was in a position that even if we wanted to know, we would not be able to see. Most of the time his legs were crossed, so cute! He is growing so fast the difference even since 12weeks it amazing. It brought tears to my eyes watching him, especially when he started to suck his finger. We could see his mouth moving, it makes me realize just how real he is. I haven't felt him move yet, which seems weird because I could see him kicking me! So to see this moving, sucking, kicking little person inside me is just amazing. I am so lucky!
I am still a little nervous about the ultrasound next week because they can still find something wrong. But I do feel reassured because his head is measuring right on, he is swallowing and moving so things look okay.
One last thing, I have been feeling worse these days! Still not as bad as some have it, just I thought it should all be over by now. I was so sick on saturday, poor Jatovi he keeps having to clean up bigger and bigger messes.He is such a good husband. I am really really lucky to have him.

Crying...

I cry all the time! I cry when I am happy, sad, lonely, scared, watching TV, listening to music...all the time. Most times I am crying and laughing at the same time because I know I have no reason to cry. It is so weird. MB thinks I am crazy because she is always trying to make me feel better, then I start laughing so hard I am afraid I am going to pee myself. It seems to have gotten worse in the past week. Thankfully Jatovi and the animals are the only ones to experience this yet, it will be very embarrassing at work. Jatovi doesn't know if he should try to comfort me or laugh with me. In fact it has started to happen so much after a brief second to ensure nothing serious is wrong he goes straight into laughing him self.
Wow pregnancy hormones are at work this week!

The End Of the First Trimester

So I am 14 weeks now, and happy to be done with the first trimester. I feel really lucky I only had a few days were I felt sick. I have heard of many people sick everyday.....glad that wasn't me. I have been tired and really hungry mostly. This week I was sick for the first and only time thus far. It was before work and I missed the toilet so poor Jatovi had to clean it up :(. I hope the worst is over, my energy is differently coming back but I am still hungry.
We have had 3 ultrasounds so far. One at 7 weeks just to confirm the pregnancy. It was a small dot on the screen but it had a heart beat. At 10 weeks I cheated and had a look at work. That was great Misty Lyon also saw him( yes him...I am sure it is a boy) I could see the baby moving and the heart pumping. AT 12 weeks was the best one yet. He was pretty big, and moving all over the place. The purpose was to measure the back of his neck to complete first trimester screening for Trisomy 21,18 and 13. Well he would not behave.I was there an hour and a half and she almost didn't get the measurement. But he eventually moved into the correct position and she got it. The tests showed very little chance of having a baby with Trimosy 21,13, or 18. I have heard his heart beat as well at my doctors appointments. That is so weird for me. After working with pregnant woman for over 10 years I can hardly believe that that sound is coming from me. I wish I could listen to it for days, it is the best sound I have ever heard. Jatovi remains quiet about the process. He comes to my appointments but doesn't say much. But I know he is exited because I came home from work last week and he started to "baby proof" the house....really I was 13 weeks it was a little early! But that is his way and I thought it was cute.
Lets hope the second trimester goes as well!