4 months!

Can you believe it 4 months! Layla was off to the doctors to get her 4 month check up..which included more needles.

Lets start with her stats...16lbs (yup you read it right) 23.5inches long. 92% in weight...so big! Which of course we already new because of the size of her thighs and clothes. She wears anything from 3-6months to 9 month sleepers. Her thighs get stuck in her bumbo everyday. The doctor is not worried about her weight because it is all breast milk. The doctor was impressed with her head control and in fact thinks she may be able to sit on her own soon. Her check up was good, the doctor has no concerns. The needles were better for me this time. She did scream so loud and held her breath as she cried but as soon as Jatovi picked her up she stopped. And no tears from mommy! Next appointment 6 months..and yes there will be needles!

As for Layla she is absolutely adorable. She has made so much progress this month. Rolling over all the time, sitting in her pink car or her jumper, eating less often(at least during the day) we are working on night feeds. She goes to bed every night without any trouble, bath,nurse/bottle and bed. Her purple cry seems like a life time ago(Thank the lord)
The routine I was so desperate for seems to be here, and it has really helped me. This includes a lot of play time. Layla spends a lot of time on her play mat. She seems to like it, but not as much as standing. Standing and pulling herself to a standing position is by far her favorite things to do. This is something she will do for hours. Because of this she is getting so strong, and I think I am as well, she does weigh 16lbs!
Even though I have been so proud many times this month nothing has made me happier than the first time I heard her giggle! I want to remember that sound forever! She giggles for me every couple of days and it always includes dancing and her standing up. I am sure she has been giggling for her daddy for awhile but he let me think I heard her first.

Rice Cereal...umm not ready!

So I gave in yesterday to the pressure from Layla's Grandmothers and tried to feed her rice cereal. Well I don't think she is ready!( Which is what I said all along!) She isn't even 4 months old yet and the most doctors say you can start trying between 4 and 6 months. Others say nothing but breast milk until 6 months...I don't know the right answer. But I do know that it really just pissed her off! The first few spoon fulls were ok, although I don't think she swallowed much. But after that she just got mad, it seemed like she thought it was her bottle and I was putting it in her mouth then taking it out. She was trying to suck the spoon...and boy did she get angry. It was fun trying but I think we will wait a few weeks before we try again!

Rolling over!

So my big girl is rolling over. The first time she did it on her own was July 29. She is rolling from her back to stomach the most although she has gone the opposite way a couple of times. She hates tummy time unless she is sleeping so when so rolls from stomach to back it is usually in a fit of rage. This mile stone has helped in the sleeping department as well. Since she is able to roll her self onto her belly we allow her to sleep like that. This makes me very nervous due to the increased risk of SIDS however we can't run in and turn her over every 2 minutes. We have a movement monitor so I do feel a bit better. She will sleep easy 4-5hrs at a time some times longer, however not all night. She does still want a 2am feed. In fact she wakes up most nights at 2am no matter what time she ate last at, but we give her her pacifier and she will usually fall back to sleep. When will she sleep all night??
She is gaining weight and very long. Her sleeper are for 9months! She weighs over 14lbs..crazy! It will be interesting at her 4month appointment to see what percentile she is..won't be surprised if her is off the chart!
She is growing up so fast, she has found her voice and even has giggled a few times. This doesn't happen everyday yet but we are close. The coos and coos are so cute and come with the biggest cute smile ever.
Have I mentioned that she is beautiful? Well I tell you...she is the most beautiful baby I have ever seen..and I have seen a lot! Not that I am biased or anything!

Back to Work

I went back to work this weekend. It was better than I thought. I had been so worried about leaving her, but it turned out ok. Both mornings she woke me up before my alarm, so I was able to nurse her before I left. Once I got to work I tried not to think about her and just focus on work. She was at home with her Daddy and he is so wonderful with her. I had no reason to worry about her safety. The only problem is and will always be...he is so easy going. He really didn't follow the routine her and I have nor did he focus on the clock and have her eat and sleep on time like I do. The change did have her up more Saturday night, but jatovi got up with her so I could sleep. Grannie came and stayed with her from 5pm until I got home. I think she cried a lot for her. Poor Grannie, Layla should have given her a break. Really I think she was sleepy and needed to go to bed. One good thing was she was still awake when I got home...and boy did I need that. My third shift back she was in bed and I was almost in tears thinking I wouldn't get to see her...but she woke up 10 minutes after there!
I was able to pump at work 3 times each shift, so my new goal is to breastfeed until 6 months! Boy I can't believe I am still breastfeeding and at this point I don't mind it. It took 3months but the hate is gone and now I try to focus on the positive..it is best for her, it is free, and easy. Now I just have to hope my milk doesn't dry up...that would be my luck just as I am getting use to it!

12 weeks

We are 12 weeks into our journey with Layla. I must say it is getting better and better everyday. She now smiles all the time, she coo's and makes lots of sounds, and is less fussy. Now if she would sleep through the night she would be perfect!

A day with Layla starts about 7-730...when she wakes for the day full of smiles. This current routine has been around for about 2 weeks. I am not sure when it will change again because it changed over night. She went from going to bed at 9, and eating at 1 and 5...to going to bed by 6:30 and eats at 11, 2 and 5. After she gets up and dressed for the day it is play time but only for about an hour when she falls back to sleep for a short morning nap. The rest of the day she wakes and sleeps on a 2 hr schedule. After about 2 hours of play she will sleep for anywhere from 20-60mins at a time. Now what does play include..well her bumbo chair, bouncy chair or mom/dad making faces at her. She prefers one on one time with either of us. She loves to sit and watch you, smiling back. I am still breastfeeding, although we have tried bottles of breast milk at bedtime to see if she will sleep longer..which did not work. We also tried adding rice cereal to it..which also did not work, so straight up breastfeeding it is. I really like to sleep so the sooner she sleeps through the night the better. I really just want her to sleep from 11-5...I don't think I am asking too much!
Her eyes are almost completely brown now. There is a firm of grey left around the outside, but the inside is a light carmel brown. Her hair is getting longer. The top middle is the longest and it curls up, and the back stays straight after it drys. The sides have the least amount of hair because she sleeps on her side so it is worn off. Her thunder thighs are her biggest part on her..the rest seems to have balanced out with her length, she is really tall.
Her face always has little cuts on it..from her nails. Jatovi and I have tried to cut them but we clearly haven't done that great of a job.
What I want to remember from this month is our trip home to Canada and how fun it is to watch her smile. One day her just looking at me won't cause the joy it does now for her. If only when she was 15 would her face light up this way when she sees me!

Maybe a left hander?

Well over the past 2 days Layla won't stop sucking her hands. Well Grandaddy came over and while holding her noticed this. He asked me if it is always her left hand. Well yeah it is!! So it is sometimes her right hand but mostly her left. Jatovi nor I had thought about this but does that mean she may be a lefty! Again who knows but if she is today was the first day we thought about it. As far as I know they only lefty's are Mycal and Myla. Only time will tell.

Our Little Swimmer

When Layla was first born she hated her bath. In fact when Grammy was here and we would bath her, her screams where so bad we thought something was wrong with her. Over the weeks the screaming became less and less. then one day during her bath she discovered herself in the mirror and started to smile. It was nice to have her enjoy her bath. Jatovi then had an idea...fill up the bath tub and let her bath in it. Well I wasn't sure what her really had in mind, but I said sure. Well he started to fill up the garden tub...and by fill I mean to the top. We put bubbles in it and Jatovi held her the whole time and boy did she love it! She kicked her feet played in the bubbles and really seem to like it. We did this again a few days later and then decided that the garden tub full of water for a 10 min infant bath is not good so we have been using the sink since. She likes the sink just the same although the mess she makes with her kicking is terrible some times!

So this got us thinking....would she like to swim outside. Well after a trip to walmart and a baby pool later we tried. The first time Jatovi set her in it she started to cry. Well Daddy was not going to give up. He continued to warm up the water for her and try again, with success this time. She loved it! So does this mean she will be a swimmer? Or just enjoy the water...who knows but it is fun watching her discover the water.

Canada

First Trip Home Pictures

First Trip Home

I want to start by saying Layla is smiling now! It makes my day seeing her beautiful smile. She started at about 7-8 weeks although by week 9 it was all the time.She seems most happy in the morning, after her breakfast feed see will sit and smile and make nosies. She seems to copy what you are doing, like sticking out your tongue, or making kisses with your lips.Layla still cries several times a week in the evening...in fact she is crying right now! But thankfully Jatovi is home tonight to walk the floor with her. Due to the Durham Bulls evening games I am usually here alone with the crying..and it is hard. So seeing the smile during the day makes the evening more bearable!
On June 30 Layla and I hoped on a plane and flew north! I wanted Layla to be at home for her first Canada Day. This meant she missed July 4th but I am sure she will see more of them in her life time than Canada Day's. We were there for 6 days and it was great. Uncle Corb and Jeff came home as well. Jatovi couldn't come because of work, so her was able to catch up on sleep..lucky guy! Layla loved uncle Jeff. Jeff tried with his attitude at first "I don't do babies" But not 10 minutes in the house Jeff couldn't put her down. Layla would watch him, smile and talk to him. It was so nice to see Jeff's soft side. I even started to call on Jeff to sit with her when she was crying...didn't see that coming. My mom had friends and family over on Saturday to meet Layla. It was so nice to see everyone, and Layla has more clothes now than I do.
We spent and afternoon with my good friends Angela,Tara and Kim.I miss everyone so much so I love seeing them. My parents were of course so happy we were there. I love how much they love her. I am so thankful Layla has brought my mom and I so close. For once in my life I think of her as my best friend. I have heard of others say that about there mom's and didn't get it. I do now, when ever something happens after Jatovi I can't wait to call my mom. I see that Layla and I can have a good relationship as well.
What I want to remember is the feeling I felt the first time I went into her room and see was crying. I picked her up and the biggest smile came across her face! Oh I felt my heart stop..it was magical!
I also want to remember my parents face when Layla and I came around the corner at the airport...pure joy!

" The Purple Cry"

In the hosptial they made us watch a video called "The Purple Cry". They said it is mandatory of everyone to watch..both parents. They then send you home with a copy to show anyone that will be caring for your child. So this is a GREAT idea...becuase I hate the purple cry! The purple cry is really just a new name for a fussy period. They calm that a baby will have periods of crying that can be prolonged and there is nothing you can do to stop them from crying.The education has been started to prevent shaken baby because this is usually when a child is at risk for being shaken. They clam it is a naormal part of baby development and it can start at 2 weeks, peaks at about 8 weeks and is over by like 3-4months. Well I guess we are at our peak because the purple cry is out of control! At first her fussy time was from 11pm until about 2am. That was horriable, but this is bad as well. It starts about 9pm and goes to about 11. She does cry the whole time but does cry and fuss. The bad part is by then I am ready for bed, and so should she! As I have said before I want her on a routine and in my head thay has her going to bed at about 7 or 8. Well she will look sleepy, in fact sometimes even goes to sleep, but then like an alarm clock at 9 she is wide awake and miserable! It doesn't happen everynight and some nights she only cries for a few minutes and the rest of the time she is awake and fussy. But sometimes she cries on and off for like and hour or 2. The video states it can last up to 5hours, so I guess it can be worse.
The best part of this is I have Jatovi. He doesn't get bothered by it, in fact he is the one to deal with her. He puts her on his shoulder and walks around the house. I get to go to bed and try to sleep through it. This is most nights and and when he isn't home I go nuts. She still is not a fan of the swing...but she loves to bounce. Sitting in her bouncy chair and me bouncing her does work sometimes.
So the postive in this is the 4-5 hrs she sleeps after, and that we are at the peak 8 week time. Boy when this phase is over I will be so happy!

8 weeks....WOW!

So my Layla Bug is 8 weeks old and I can't believe it. Time is going so fast, and she is getting so big. 11.6lbs and 22.5cm long, wow! 3 needles later and only a few tears, mostly from me and we are done with the doctor again for 2 months. The doctor started Layla on zantac to see if that helps with the throwing up. She throws up after every meal and most times several times. This causes for a lot of tears for her and frustration on my part..so maybe the zantac will help. I have heard that being a parent teaches you things...well lesson number one...I can't control everything. I really want and need her to be on a schedule. Eat at certain times, go to bed at a certain time, and sleep certain hours...and she won't do any of this! My life would be so much better if she did not see 11PM as her bedtime.Yup she goes to bed after her 11 feed. Way to late for someone who likes to go to bed early. I have tried everything and its like a light bulb goes off and she is awake. I should try to look at the positive she then sleeps for 4 hrs. Which after the every 2-2.5hrs she did last month is awesome. SO I will try to focus on the good and hope that she goes to bed earlier in the coming weeks.
She can hold her head up for prolonged periods, and smiles all the time. Her smile is beautiful if only it were there all the time. You just don't know when she is gonna break out in a big grin.
The other big news is she is in her own room! It has been a week and after 3 attempts and a lot of tears from me she made it. What I want to remember from this month is the pain I felt moving her into her own room. Not because I love having a broken heart but because with every long night of her crying I knew then just how much I loved her! Through all the sleepless nights, and crying fits I could not bear to see her grow up and be so far away. I loved having her close to me but it was time. We knew it was time because she moves so much and we kept finding her with her legs out the sides, of her head up against the side of the bassinette..it was time for more space. She didn't seem to care..but I took it really hard! So the big girl is in her room, sleeping longer and getting big. Wow I can't believe it..next month our first trip together to Canada. I can't wait to take her home. I know her passport says she is American but to me she will always be Canadian!

Dressing a Girl

So everyone knows I wanted a boy. But today I decided that one advantage to having a girl is I can dress her in the best clothes! Maybe my love of shopping will help us have a bond she and Jatovi can't have. I still worry from time to time about our relationship long term, but I have decided to let it go. I am madly in love with her and hope she will always feel the same about me.

The Journey Begins!

Layla is 1 month old, and I can't believe it. I love her more and more everyday. She is 20.5inches long and 8.2lbs. She no longer fits into new born clothes, well not easily anyways. She is very long and her toes would be crunched up at the end. She is perfect, beautiful in every way. I am not kidding myself and think everyone thinks she is perfect though. Since I am a tad older than my friends with having a child I have had several years of thinking"when I am a mom I won't do that" and one of those things is expect everyone to think my child is perfect and beautiful. I can't stand mothers like that. A mother is suppose to think that about their own child, but no one else has to think that. I have several friends that I think have really ugly children...but I am sure their mothers don't see it.
Layla is an OK baby, again I don't think she behaves perfectly. She cries at night between 11-12 or 1 a couple of times a week. During the day she sleeps looks around and eats. But I am lucky Jatovi is a fantastic dad he has all the patients in the world with her. They have their time at night together. I go to bed and he stays up with her. I think he looks forward to it, I think he likes feeling like he is making her feel better. And he does as soon as I go up to bed I hear her calming down. I am breastfeeding....and I hate it! But I feel as a mother it is my responsibility to at least try to breastfeed her. It is the natural food for her and best for her. If I can do at least 3 months I will be happy. My goal of course is the recommended 6 months. Other than the first week of nipple pain, it has gone well. She latches well and I have a good supply. I just really like to sleep and wish Jatovi could do the 3am feeds! But for now I will be happy with the knowledge I am doing the best thing I can for Layla.
My only frustration is that she doesn't really like her swing. She cries as soon as you put her in it, even before it is on. She will sit in her bouncy seat for a little while. The only thing other than being held that she likes is her boppy pillow. I won't let anyone hold her for long periods and she doesn't sleep in our bed(other than when I dowse off during feeds). I have managed to keep these rules up. Even during the week that Grammy stayed with us. My mom spent 2 weeks here, 1 week without my dad. It was a great week. I feel so much closer to my Mom after that week. She was such a great help, but really I just enjoyed having her to myself. I don't remember anytime it was just the 2 of us, my dad is always there.I will treasure that week for ever. Layla is lucky to have grandparents that love her so much.
The thing I wish I would remember for ever is how much I love watching Jatovi with her. I fell in love with him all over again. He is kind, gentle and patient with her. I find him sitting and watching her sleep. It takes him like 20min to change a diaper, and he always asks me to swaddle her because he doesn't think he can do it right. He "steals"my breast milk from the fridge because I think he loves feeding her...she can't be that hungry all the time when I am sleeping! He holds her like she is made of porcelain and he is going to break her any minute. But I wouldn't change a thing! I sure made the right choice of fathers for her,they are going to have a great relationship.
As for me, it still doesn't seem real to me. I have often thought "she is going to be with me the rest of my life" My love for her is stronger and stronger everyday. If I am out and call and she is crying it breaks my heart. My favorite thing about her is the look she gets after I have upset her. After a bath, or something she deems terrible while I nurse her she has this look in her eyes that says"how could you do that to me, I thought you loved me" It breaks my heart and puts a smile on my face at the same time! It is such a cute look.
I can't wait to see her smile...on purpose!

Breaking News....I am a MOM!!

I did not get to enjoy my 2 weeks off...on Friday April23 at 0257 my(our)life changed forever. Layla Katherine McDuffie was born!
On Thursday night I went for dinner with Susannah and we took a long walk. I had my usual "tightenings" that happened when I walked but once we stopped they stopped. I headed home about 2130, and headed upstaires to get ready for bed. I saw the nursery door was left opened, I went into the room and as I waslked in I felt fluid running down my leg. OMG...I was peeing myself. I tried running to the bathroom, but with every step there was more and more fluid. It was clear this was my water breaking! I started to call Jatovi over and over. You see he was at work at the Durham Bulls, but the game should have been almost over. After what felt like a life time (but was like 15min) he called me back.I felt so much better just hearing his voice and knowing he was on his way. The doctor on call was Dr.Andrew's, not my favorite, but when I called him he was really re asurring. I also called Miss McDuffie incase Jatovi didn't call back, and my Dad so they could start looking into plane tickets. So Jatovi and I were on our way to the hosptial, me sitting on a towel hoping not to get amonotic fluid all over the car. I was most worried about when the pain would start. I kept thinking any seconds the most pain I would ever feel would start...contractions! But they never came. At the hospital they found that yes my water brook, but I was not in labour. Infact my cervix was still closed and thick, and the babys head was not engaged yet. Based on this with the cardic issues a c/s was planned. Dr Andrews thought that even with a pitocin drip I would not have a vaginal delivery because "my body" was not ready. We did not want to risk infection so it would be done then!
Jatovis parents were at the hopsital with us, and my parents were kept updated via text message and calls. They were going to fly down in the morning.
The c/s went better than I thought, in fact way better. Very little pain over all, nothing a couple of motrin couldn't fix. She cried and had apgars of 9 and 9! It did feel like a life time from when they said she was being born until I herd a cry, but nobody else seemed to worry. Perm was the doctor on and I couldn't have been happier, I think this made the overall experience so much better. I trusted him completely with her life! After Jatovi took some pictures and he held her, they took her to the nursery. I was alone, but aft5er some nice drugs I dosed on and off. I then heard the nurse call the nursery to ask"What was baby girl McDuffies wieght" here it was the moment I had been waiting for....how had my diabeties effected her. 6lbs 7oz....what that can't be right that was perfect....I was so pleased.
We were in the hosptial until monday morning. The weekend is kinda a blurr. People visiting, no sleep, and painful breastfeeding. But our journey had begun!

Done with work 2 weeks early!

Well the doctor has taken me off work. She feels that I need 2 weeks with stable blood sugars before she is born, this will hopefully help avoid her having sugar issues at birth. At first I was disappointed, failed at another thing. I couldn't even make it working up to her birth, however I am over that. I can sit back and enjoy the time, how ever long I have before our world is changed for ever. Others can feel "pride" or what ever it is that they feel because they were able to work but I am ok with the holiday I have been given! Now lets hope I can get my sugars better regulaited, and hope it was work that is the problem.

36 weeks

So I am 36 weeks, if she doesn't have any plans of her own she will be here May 3. They have scheduled my c/s for May 3 at 0800 at DRH. I have mixed feelings about it. The main reason is my heart. I have had issues for years, tachycardia. It had been resolved until I was pregnant and it came back, and worse this time. When they did my holter monitor the end of February it showed that I was having triplet PVC's, and a lot of them. So they don't know what would happen during the the stress of labour so a c/s was recommended. The second reason my OB has said is that gestational diabetics have large babies, and there are many risks involved with the delivery of a large baby. SO I went ahead and agreed that this was my best option. I was generally fine with this until a co-worker called it an elective c/s, that pissed me off. This decision was not easy and I am doing for the health of my daughter and I. Anyways I don't think my OB would do an "elective c/s".
On other news my blood sugars are doing much better. They are not perfect yet, which is disappointing but they are much better. The increased dose at bedtime has helped. I am sure it is too late and her size has been effected but I hope the next couple of weeks she doesn't gain a lot.I can't wait to have her on the outside and stop worrying about my blood sugars. In fact I just can't wait to meet her, see what she looks like. what she is going to act like. I am ready!! I will miss having her all to myself, and feeling her move.
I feel over all really good, the only complaint is how tired I feel at work. My days off I am fine because I can sleep in and take it easy when I need to, but work kills me. The books said "first trimester fatigue" would be back, but I am sure I was not this tired then. Good thing I only work 3 days a week!
I hope my next post is called "she is here"!!

Started on Meds!

I went to the doctors last Friday and he started me on Glyburide 2.5mg twice a day. I thought I would be devastated but I wasn't. The day before I have gone to my follow up with the dietitian and she made me feel guilty about the fact I wasn't eating enough carbs! I feel like I can't win.So in order to eat even half of what she wanted me to my sugar would go through the roof. I we made a deal and I would eat 2 carbs at each meal until I went to the doctors the next day...I did and my numbers were all too high. Since starting on the meds the numbers have been great. All well below goal. I have been staring to eat more carbs and it hasn't raised my numbers yet. I did tell the doctor that I would not mind having her now...I feel like I could take care of her better outside of me rather than what I am doing to her while she is inside of me. I do know that it is too early and she needs to stay inside for at least 4 more weeks(that would have her 37 weeks) but I feel so bad every time I eat something and then get a high number. I have heard about "Mothers Quilt" and I do get it now. What I don't get is why some women do crack and not worry and I end up in tear if I eat melon? So I have let the quilt go about taking a medication during pregnancy and have excepted that it is better for her to have the meds and not the extra sugar at this time.
I have an u/s on Wednesday. They are going to do a weight check and look at my fluid level. They of course are doing this because of her increased risk of being large. I have seen weight scans be off many times but it will be nice to have an idea. The books say at 33 weeks she should be a little over 4lbs, I think we are way ahead of that.I am also happy to get to see what position she is in. The hard bump I get at the top of my uterus in the middle has to be her bum, but I just can't tell where everything else is.My guess is she is facing my back.That would explain the big bump that sticks out and nothing else. I hope she turns again because if this is were see stays I may be in for back labour!
We ordered her nursery chair last night, and plan to do the last few things this weekend. We cancelled our child birthing class....there is the quilt again! I just don't feel like spending 2 full days sitting listeneing to it.I have better things to do like sleep, go to a movie and hang with Jatovi. It will be our last full weekend together just the 2 of us EVER! So we aren't going to the class, we are just going to enjoy the freedom while we can!

32 weeks

I have been taking my blood sugars for over 3 weeks now and it is not getting any easier. The doctors keep saying we will watch the numbers for another week and see. This is because my fasting sugars are all over the goal of 95. The highest being 111, the rest between 95 and 109. During the day I can generally keep the numbers below the goal of 120 with out too much trouble. I can't eat anything sweet which includes fruit. I thought I would miss chocolate the most...and I do miss chocolate but I am struggling with honey dew melon the most!! Weird since I don't even like it! The last month I have wanted it with every meal. I can some times have it with lunch, but only a few pieces of my sugar goes straight up. The rest of my meals are just planned out protein meals. I have eaten more eggs than in the last couple of years combined. This has been an eye opener for me. I have a 60% chance of having type 2 diabetes later in life(not really surprising since my grandparents had it) but this does show me that I need to do what I can to avoid it at all cost! Hopefully I don't forget how terrible this is and go back to my old habits. I have had good will power(for me anyways) because I DO NOT want a big baby!!!! See probably won't be 6 pounds but I am trying to avoid a 10 pound er. I did give in and go for Mexican last night, I ate about a quarter of the chips I would normally have and the rest was chicken and cheese...sugar after 130! Way to high.So this was depressing. I hope I can figure it out so they are all within normal range soon or I will be going on meds!

As for Layla, see seems great. At my last appoint I am measuring 2 weeks ahead. So her weight gain has begun. This is what I was afraid of but since I am doing everything I know to do the rest isn't up to me. At my 30 week appointment she was breech, but I think she has turned. I still may have a c/s, and I am fine with this. My birth plan is get her out the safest way with me feeling the least amount of pain possible. So a c/s works. This means if she is large I don't have to worry about the head being delivered and her shoulder getting stuck, or any of the other million things that can go wrong with having a large baby. Jatovi isn't so sure a vag delivery isn't better, but lets face it this is my body! She moves all around but the movements have changed. They aren't strong kicks any more they are "pressure" from her large body trying to move. Her room is almost ready to go. Just a few things left to do like buy her chair, wash her clothes and put the car seats in. But we do have like a good 6 weeks to go. Plenty of time!

Wow this sucks!

So I am 31 weeks and the last 2 weeks have been the hardest! I was diagnosed with gestational diabetes at 29 weeks and it has been down hill since then.
It all started with me being sent to a cardiologist d/t tachycardia. I wasn't all that concerned because I have been through this before. I have been off my medication for almost 4 years with my heart rate not causing to much problems. But during my pregnancy I have been having severe palpation's and increased HR. The cardiologist is worried about starting me back on meds while pregnant, because they will effect her heart as well. His plan was to run a ton of test and monitor me and hope to get me through the pregnancy without meds, if that is done see what my heart rate does after. He hopes when my blood volume decrease again so will my HR.
This was all fine with me, exec pt he did mention that delivery at DRH, or vaginally may not be possible. Although I don't really care about either it just bothered me that things are being left up in the air. I am a planner and the wait and see method doesn't work well for me.
Two days later I got a call..while I was at work that my blood sugar was so high at my 1 hr test that they have diagnosed me gestational diabetes. Without even doing the 3 hr test, my level was 224 and it should have been less than 140. Well I fell apart, a lot of it was because they had taken 6 days to call me after the test. I had figured by this point that things were fine, and they clearly weren't! Then they tell me I have to wait another 6 days before I can go to my teaching and and get my monitor. Well I was already stressed because of the heart issue and now this.
SO overall I feel like a failure of a mother already. I can't even get through my pregnancy without possibly harming her. AS I have mentioned before I wasn't even sure I wanted this, but once the decision was made this became the most important thing in my life, producing a healthy child. With the reality check that it may not come as easy as I thought, because the first 29 weeks was so good, I feel overwhelmed. I am tired of people telling me not to worry, saying that everything will be ok, and just down right down playing what is happening. I get that things may be ok, and that other than me eating a lot of disgusting meat everything will work out and after the pregnancy go back to normal. But I would not be human or a good mother if I didn't worry. SO to hell with you all, I will worry if I want.