Complete Sadness

I am 37 and 4 today. I will have our little guy on May 30, if he doesn't come on his own. With Layla my water broke on 37 &2 born after midnight. So he has already been in me longer. I guess I thought I may be lucky again this time to go a bit early. However with everything planned waiting till the 30 was best.My parents would be here the Sunday before. Dad would stay a week, and mom 2 weeks. This would also have my maternity leave timed right for our trip to Canada in August. Having them here would be great. Like last time Jatovi has Bulls games so they would be here in the evening while he worked. They would be here to watch Layla, and bring her to meet her little brother. My parents weren't there for her birth so it was going to be great having them here this time.
But none of this is going to happen. Last week we found out that my Dad has cancer. There I wrote it. There is no going back. It is true and I can't change it.
The 24 is Friday and he will be having surgery to hopefully remove it all. It is in his colon behind his spleen. I am glad the surgery got booked so fast but that means they will miss everything. After a very emotional and often sad pregnancy I am going to deliver my baby without any of my family here. Of course the reason is so sad I can't even put into words what I am feeling. Until the surgery and we find out how bad it really is I can not relax. What is important is my Dad is here for the next 20 years to watch him grow up, the birth is a small part of his life. But the overwhelming sadness I feel that the will miss just won't go away. I need to focus, I have not cooked, cleaned, or done anything since finding out. I need to get up and get ready he may be here anytime. This is not his fault and he doesn't deserve to come out to a sad mommy.
Jatovi has been so supportive  I can tell he is worried about me as well as my Dad, in fact he knew for 2 days before I did. My parents called him so they could pick a time we would all be home and I wouldn't have to find out alone. When I moved here at 25 I never gave stuff like this a thought. And traveling at 38 weeks is not a good idea. And my mom doesn't need to worry about me in labour while she is worried about my Dad.
So I will have my baby with the help of Jatovi's family. Layla will stay with his parents. Which she will love. While he is at games I will try to sleep and not try not to feel sorry for myself.
How can the saddest thing to ever happen to our family happen at one of the best times? It doesn't seem fair.

And it starts...

Went to the doctor this morning and it has started...yup sugars are high. I was crazy enough to ask about the "what ifs" after I passed the 3hour test. He told me to take some random sugars in the morning and see what my fasting are. So the first few were fine. However they creeped up and up and now I am on meds. The meds are the lowest dose and at night only. I am considered diet control during the day, since thoughs sugars are fine.However that also means once a week appointments...which I do not have time for:( Oh well I have to do what I can. My csetion is booked for May 30th at 1000. Jatovi really wanted it on his Dads birthday, and honestly I did not care either way so we went with that day. Jatovi thought it would be fun later in life for him to have that bond with his granddaddy. However we now have to see if we will make it to 39 and 2!! I am sure his name will Bennett Baker McDuffie. Some people are already calling him Ben, but I tend to stick to Bennett. I tried to get Layla to start calling him Reed again with no luck..."But Mommy his name is Bennett" boy the girl is stuck on Bennett. Jatovi wants Bennett more than Reed so I don't see it changing at this point.Layla still seems very excited, she asks all the time when is he going to big enough to come out. She has no idea how her little world is gonna change. She is going to have to share her Daddy!! But I really don't see any major problems with her. No more problems than her 3 year old self already has. Boy she has gotten sassy!! She is so grown up, very sad!!

Not a Diabetic?

So i failed my 1 hr glucose test...no big surprise. However my result was 159. Anything over 140 you have to do the three hour test. With Layla my one hour result was 220..didn't even have to do the three hour one. When you fail over 200 they just consider you a Gestational diabetic and you start treatment. So I was surprised to have to do the three hour one  in fact I was a little angry. What a waste of three hours of my life...all for the same results. The doctor I saw last week agreed there was no way I was going to pass, in fact she thought I would fail the 1 hr again. With the amount of meds I needed last time, and given the fact I was three years older she agreed I would fail. The reason we had this talk was I wanted to know what the protocol was if I did pass.I have seen so many babies that are gigantic and having sugar issues but the mom "was not a diabetic". So I feel like they are missing something in the way they treat patients  She did not have a lot of answers for me, just that yes they do agree they are missing some women.
My parents are here on vacation to help get the babies room ready which is great since I know needed a babysitter for three hours. So Monday morning I went and spent three hours off my life sitting in the doctors office. I was told I would hear Monday afternoon or Tuesday at the latest  I spent all day Tuesday with my phone near me waiting. The call never came. So this morning as soon as I woke I looked at my email, and sure enough there was a message saying I had a result in portal view. They only put reports of normal values in without talking to you. I was shocked. I opened it up and sure enough I passed the three hour test. I AM NOT A DIABETIC...or so they think. So I now have to wait until my next appointment to act like the crazy lady and find out what the next step is. I will probably be the first one to come and ask to be retested, but I don't want to take any chances. When you are a diabetic they test  you by NST and u/s twice a week because the baby is at such high risk for being still born, that going with no further testing doesn't seem safe to me. I will enjoy it while I can!!
This pregnancy has been so different, no heart problems(yet) not a diabetic yet) very little sickness. I just hope he continues to be this easy once he is out!!

27 weeks

After three trips to prenatal peek we finally have a few pictures of him. He has not been cooperative and they are not that great. But we will take what we can get!

23 weeks

So this second child is already a second child. With Layla I wrote about everything, however no time this time.

I feel fine for the most part. I am getting braxton hicks this time, which is all new. I don't think I had more than 3 tightening s with Layla the whole time. But this time they started at 21 weeks and happen every day. So very new. He has started moving more, but compared to Layla he seems to calmer. I do have an anterior placenta this time which makes a difference as well. I feel small movements however she was kicking hard from like 18 weeks on. They will not retest for diabetes until 28 weeks, so I have been enjoying food while I can. I need to slow down....gaining a lot of weight.

I think his name is Bennett Baker Mcduffie!!

We went through every boy name out there. And agreed on very little. I liked Henry but Jatovi then wanted to call him Hank, no thanks!I wanted Benjamin with Layla but this time it didn't feel right. So when I found Bennett I thought perfect, I still get my Ben!! Jatovi was not convinced at first so we went on think of more. In the mean time I asked Layla to say some names, and Bennett stuck! She kept calling him Bennett. I also thought Reed was nice, but after a couple weeks of Layla calling him Bennett Jatovi said I guess I am out voted! So here we have it.

I am taking classes towards my BSN so we have been busy around here. My parents are coming next month to do his room. So I am sure the next few months are going to go fast!

Santa

Merry Christmas Layla and Baby Boy Mcduffie

Merry Christmas Layla and baby BOY  Mcduffie! Yup, it's a boy!
We had a big surprise planned for my parents to be the one who told us, but it turned out bad, so I am not going to let the post be about that.

Layla loved Christmas however she was confused about Santa not being in the living room with the presents. So she still says Santa did not come. I guess for us telling her for weeks "he was coming" she thought he would be here. She had fun opening her gifts, as well as others gifts. She got a ton of stuff and

has played with it all. I guess she was due for some new age appropriate toys.

Good News

At my appointment I asked for them to write a prescription for my glucose meter supplies. They said that with out a diagnosis my insurance will not cover it. They stated they are looking at their protocol on gestational diabetic and they will check me now. Wow way earlier than I thought, but I guess it is better to know.Good news this test was fine .....92!
Don't know when they will check again, maybe 16 weeks. But until then I can eat what I want!

12 weeks, ThanksGiving and Grandparents!

I am 12 weeks now,moving right a long! I had my 12 week ultrasound this week and from what they could see he looks good. Way to early to see much though so still waiting to see if we will get a healthy little one or not. The depression sure got worse before it got better. In fact it has only been better while my parents have been here. Not sure what will happen now that they are gone and I have to go back to work.
My parents also came for a visit this week since it was Thanksgiving. We spent the afternoon at Jamels with the whole Mcduffie family. Layla had a great time with everyone together. I worried she would not really know my parents but I was sure wrong. When they pulled up she ran out to meet them, and enjoyed every minute for them being here. After dinner my parents and I went Black Friday shopping Thursday night. Toys r us opened at 8, so we went and joined the other crazies. We waited outside for 40 minutes and got a couple of the thing that were on sale, and had some fun doing it. My parents spoiled all of us, we are very lucky to have them!

11 weeks

I am 11 weeks now...moving right along.  This pregnacy is the same some ways and different in others.  I do think I am a bit sad this time. I cry all the time, hate my job/co-workers and just can't shake the fatigue. I am not sure if it will start getting better in the next trimester, but I sure hope so. I don't remember this with Layla, I was much happier. I have only had a couple of days of feeling sick, which is a lot like Layla. Before work, and if I don't eat regularly  A lot like Layla. Most people seem to think it's a boy, and I guess I do. But after last time I am not putting that much thought into it. We will find out on Christmas day. I don't like any boy names. Aiden is the only boy name I have ever loved....but way over used now. Jatovi doesn't want to talk names until after we know what it is. I have my next u/s on Tuesday, maybe after that some of the depression will go away. Worry all the time is making this hard.

Happy Halloween

Jatovi and I had a hard time picking a costume for Layla. The three of us just couldn't agree. So while at work I told them to just go  ahead and pick one already!

So Jatovi said he just let her pick...and she picked COOKIE MONSTER!! So cute. WE went out trick or treating with cousin Jameson. The two had a great time. So cute watching them walk hand in hand.

First Ultrasound

We had our first ultrasound today! One sweet baby, with a great heart beat of 180. The new Doctors office seems ok so far. It is new and clean which is a good start. There NP does the ultrasound so you can get results and can talk about the finding as you go. I think every practise should do this. Waiting and not being able to ask questions and here results as you go is painful. So she was very nice, and baby measures only 1day off so that is good. I then spent time reviewing everything else with a nurse. I asked for a prescriptions so I could do my blood sugars here and there to make sure they are good. BIG MISTAKE! I am now having my glucose test done on Wednesday. Insurance won't cover the supplies with out a positive result so they are going to check now. I had heard that they test at 16 weeks with future pregnancies......but she said they are reviewing that protocol right now. They think they should be checking earlier so I will be one of the first....lucky me. Next time I should keep my mouth closed!

I am starting to think its a boy again. I didn't want to think about it since I was soooo wrong last time. But I do think it's a boy. I guess we will see!

Two and Half years old!

Layla is two and a half years old today! I am shocked by how fast she is growing up. At two and a half she is far past a baby now. She speaks in full sentences with a lot of great opinions. She has no problems telling us what she wants, thinks and needs. Having her talk is so fun. She says the cutest things and makes us laugh everyday. Her molars are finally starting to come in. The bottom two are almost through the gum so I am sure the uppers will be coming any day. Her hair is still getting longer and even more curly. So she still has not had a hair cut, I have been thinking about getting her a trim to cut off the dead ends but since it is so short I haven't been able to do it. Although she was an accident here and there diapers are a thing of the past. Jatovi has been taking her pee around midnight every night since she started sleeping with no diaper in May. But in the past couple of weeks he has stopped. So some nights she wakes around 4 or 5, but most nights is making it all night. Which I think is pretty good since she sleeps 11-12 hrs each night. We have a problem getting her to bed early. I would like her in bed by 8, but most nights its 9. Evenings are family time for us, since I work a lot of weekends. So we tend to be having fun and she doesn't go down until closer to 9. Thankfully she goes to bed most nights with out a fight. Now staying a sleep has been a bit of a problem lately. Layla has began having nightmares. I have a great husband who gets up every time with her, so he settles her. But she now sleeps with a light on. Which has helped. I have read that nightmares are common, but I am still not sure what they could be about. What could be scary in her sweet little life?'

Layla is a strong willed little girl, but boy is she cute. She can drive me nuts one minute and make me laugh out loud the next. She is a joy to have around and I can't wait to see what the next year brings us!

Pumkin Patch

Layla and I spent the morning at the pumpkin patch. I of course brought my camera to get some nice fall pictures. Layla had fun, and I got some nice pictures of my beautiful girl!

A Day with Thomas

We spent the day at the Transportation Museum, and got to ride Thomas the train. Layla has loved trains for much of her short life so I couldn't pass the opportunity to let her ride a real train. It was worth the money and drive...she loved it!

PMO

Layla started Parent's Morning Out again this year. We decided to leave her in PMO another year back in January when registration was going on. At the time it seemed fine, however now I think she could do with some formal instructions. PMO they really just play all morning, which all so has benefits. Layla does need the social aspects of PMO. Leaning to play well with others is very important. So as much as playing all morning may not be the greatest way for her to spend 8 hours a week, but it is better than nothing. Lesson Learned!

6 weeks!

I am 6 weeks today! So far this pregnancy is not that different from what I remember the first time. The only big difference is I feel so bloated! In fact I think I look pregnant already. I know it is not my uterus that is big already but it sure feels like it. I felt crappy the first week, very tired and even nauseous. But since I really feel fine. Very tired.
As usual I am stressed about everything. Even that I feel fine...no symptoms must mean something bad right? I have done a lot of research on Downs Syndrome...why I don't know. I just need information. My first appointment isn't until I am almost 9 weeks so I have a lot of time to worry when I don't even know if there is a heart beat. I changed doctors. Kind of a hard decision, but I am going to deliver at Duke this time. Going into it this time knowing that I will be a diabetic and have heart problems I just felt better this way. I am very sad that people will know me...I liked it last time. I don't want everyone up in my business if the baby has sugar problems, but I do want people I know taking care of him/her. Weird right, I can't have it both ways so I went with safety. I will be 38, a diabetic mother, and hopefully just a boring repeat c/s. So hopefully uneventful.
As for the sex of the bay, unlike last time I have no idea. With Layla I was 100% sure and 100% wrong it was a boy. This time I really just don't know. I just want healthy.
We have not told our families. I wanted to tell my parents first, but of course they were in Peru on vacation for the last two weeks. We will tell them tonight. I wanted to do something fun, but just think I am going to let Layla tell them. It is so cute to hear her say "Mommy has a baby in her belly" Crazy that we told her, but she was the one that told Jatovi, which I think it so cute!
Jatovi hasn't said much(like usual) but he does have a lot to say about the colour of the nursery. I want grey with blue or pink. He feels very strongly that there should be no grey. So we have stopped talking about the baby all together. We do have awhile yet!

McDuffie Baby #2

                                                                 September 24,2012
That is right I am pregnant! I don't know why I was so surprised .....we were "trying" weren't we? After the first couple of months of "trying" I/we decided to stop "trying" so hard. Not look at calendars and such. As I have mentioned a time or two I am fine with one anyways. Layla still has her trying times and that makes deciding to go ahead and have another a hard decision. So we will see what happens and come spring if no baby I will start selling stuff!
I had what I thought was a bad cases of PMS this week. Saturday I was so tired, I took a two hour nap and still went to bed early. I just could not shake the fatigue. Yesterday (Sunday) I worked a pretty boring day at work and came home to an empty house. Layla and Jatovi were a this parents house. So I thought I might just a take a test since I had some and it was a couple of days before my period was due. And sure enough...two lines. So I took another one, just to be sure. And two lines again. Really the first month of not trying? So I sat by myself and tried to shake the terrible fear I was having. The fear the first time was of the unknown, this time it is of the known. Gestational diabetes, repeat c-section, crying....all of the crying. The money, no sleep, and did I mention the crying. Please let this baby be a happier baby than Lay was.
Jatovi and Layla came home, and I gave Layla the test and told her to take it to her Daddy and tell him how many lines she saw. It was cute Layla ran to him yelling "there are two lines Daddy!"
As usual Jatovi was very calm. But he said he was very happy.
Things seem a little different this time. I couldn't even bring myself to call the doctors today. Partially because that makes it real, and second I don't know which doctor to call. Last time I wanted to stay as far away from Duke as possible. I did NOT want to delivery there. I did not want to know anyone and I didn't want them to know me. How ever this time I feel that Duke may be the better option. And the fact that I am having that feeling tell me to trust my gut. Not sure if it is just that I am 3 years older, or that I know I will be a gestational diabetic this time. I am a believer in following your gut, so I may have to deliver at Duke. Which means moving to a new medical practice. Anyways just the beginning!! We have also not told anyone yet, except for Layla which of course doesn't count since she thinks all women have babies in their belly's.

According my calculations he/she should arrive around June 4, 2013

Gymanastics

Layla started Gymnastics! We wanted something fun and active for Layla to do. She loves jumping and somersaults so we picked gymnastics! It was a great choice because she loves it. Every Monday at 1730 until next June!

Beach!

We spent 3 nights and 4 days at Myrtle Beach this week. The hotel was a 2year olds paradise. I was surprised that Layla really didn't care for the beach its self. I thought she would love to play in the sand..but all she wanted was the "frog pool". The hotel had 9 small/moderate pools that were perfect for kids 5 and under. This was what I had been looking for, and boy did I get it. Thank fully we went during the week so it wasn't overley crowed, I am sure it can be a very busy place...with a lot of kids.