3 months

Poor Bennett, I just can't seem to find the time to write about him as much as I did with Layla. But really there is not much to write, he is the calm, quite opposite of his sister. What ever I wrote about her...he has done the opposite.
He is 3 months old now and our lives are busy. Along with working full time I go to school. I am taking 3 classes this semester and it is going to be along 4 months. The classes are not hard, but boy there is a lot of work. Layla stared preschool this morning, which is the reason I have time  to write! She will be going to Trinity Weekday school 5 mornings a week. She had to be woken up of course at 815, so she was a little whinny. But seemed to recover when we got there. Her class has 5 girls and 3 boys this year. I think she will love it.
Bennett came with us to drop her off, came home and he ate and has been asleep since. I think Layla being gone in the mornings will be great for him. He gets some alone time with me as well as being able to nap. If Layla is off we head out to do something everyday so he is always trying to nap on the go. The best news is Bennett is breast feeding!!!! I hate to say it out loud incase he stops again. But at the 11 week mark he started and has been going between breast and bottle very well for 2 weeks now. Boy, I never saw this day coming. It is so nice to leave the house without my pump, bottles, and flanges! I really hope it continues to be this good. Not only is he latching this time but he is eating until full. Most times in the past even if he did latch he would comfort nurse and fall asleep.  I never thought breastfeeding was something I would work so hard for, but I am glad I did.
Bennett smiles, and rolls over. But I hardly ever see either. I know he rolls over because we put him to sleep on his back or side and always find him on his belly. As for smiling he is like his Dad, only smiles for something really good, like his big sister.
Overall things are great and we have adjusted well to our family of 4!

My Baby is 6 months old!

Bennett is 6 months old already! I am trying to enjoy my 6month old but I am really sad. He is growing up so fast and as much as I love watching him change I miss my new born. He is our last and he has been such a different experience than Layla was. As a first time mom I was up tight, nervous and sleep deprived. With Bennett I have been more relaxed and just enjoyed the experience.I am use to being sleep deprived and really he sleeps so well that it has not been a change to us. With Laylas nightmares she wakes up crying most nights at least ones.Bennett has been sleeping through the night is seems like right from the beginning. He goes to bed at 7...and not a minute later. He gets grumpy if he is up much later. Many nights he sleeps 11-12 hours before getting up to eat and goes right back to sleep for a couple of hours. However when a growth spurt hits or whatever reason he gets up once earlier to eat. I read back and Layla did not sleep 12 hours until she was 6 months old! So even if he gets up once in awhile I can't complain he has been doing it for months. We are still breastfeeding. My milk dried up at 6 months with Layla but so far my supply seems ok. My supply has dropped to just what he eats. I don't pump any more...since I hate it! So I just put him to breast. I have made it way longer than I thought I would considering he didn't go to breast until 11 weeks! I am very proud of my determination and the fact that against all odds he will have gotten breast-milk for at least 6 months! As for when I will stop, I just don't know right now. We will just play it day by day.
He continues to be laid back and calm. He smiles and giggles but it takes some work sometimes. He is getting close to sitting by himself. He can do it for a few minutes most times before falling over. He started pulling himself up to a standing position while holding your hands yesterday. Naps are all over the place.I am surprised we are not in a better routine but I think with us out and about with Layla it has been hard for him. He naps well in the morning taking a nap about an hour after he gets up. As for the rest of the day he tends to take one around 1ish and then a late afternoon one. Most naps are only about a 30-45 min. But I guess if he starts napping longer the night time sleep will be less than the current 13-14 hours! So sleep is not something I can complain about.He still has fine thin straight hair. It does curly slightly when wet..but nothing like Laylas when she was a baby.

Breastfeeding

Ok so Bennett is 8 weeks old today and he still won't breastfeed. And I do mean "won't" because he can. He has many times but in the past week...not once. I have seen the LC almost every week as well as his Dr who works with me. They have both got him to latch and eat before, but today neither of them could. I have used both sizes of nipple shields,every position, I bought the 20 dollar nipple calma to help, but nothing has worked. He really makes a face and gets angry after two sucks when he realizes what it is. Both the LC and my DR have said I have tried everything and it's not my fault. But I keep thinking it must be.
However the plus in this is he will take a bottle, because that is not an option in my house. I am too busy to have a baby stuck to my breast all day. I am very sad that I am not able to do this, Layla was so easy and breastfed with ease. The Dr started him on zantac since he spits up so much. The thought is although he doesn't seem in pain maybe he does have bad re flux that is causing this. Its her last thought.
So I plan to pump until my supply  is gone and then he will get formula. "Formula is not poison"
VERY FRUSTRATING

6 weeks

Six weeks already. Our sweet boy is growing up, and boy is he a good baby. He hardly ever cries and in fact even when he is hungry he wakes up and just grunts and wines. The best part is for over a week he has slept for 6-8 hrs each night! Layla was 4 months before we let her cry it out just to drop the 2 am feed. He is breastfeeding now as well. I am glad I kept trying it took 5 1/2 weeks but he did it. He now goes between bottle and breast with ease. And I only have to pump at night while he sleeps to get a freezer supply. I really don't care for pumping. Now I should mention he has to use a nipple shield still...but its better than nothing.
It is so interesting to me how different  our two  kids are turning out to be. I don't think he has cried more than 5min straight more than once a week. He is so calm and laid back. The few times he has cried for food he stops and gives up after a few minutes. Layla spent several nights a week screaming for no reason. He likes a swing and sleeps in the car.Both things Layla hated.
He is joy to have and I love him!!

 I find things with Bennett every time I leave them alone. Layla loves to put things on his head and "let him play" with her toys

Trip to see Grammie and Poppy

After several attempts to get Grammie and Poppy here we decided to just go there. It did not seem in the cards for Poppy to come here. We ordered Bennett's passport express and had it in 8 days. Our first plan was all of us to drive there, but the sweat test was scheduled for that week. I was not willing to put it off so the kids and I flew up after the test was done. We had a great week. I was tired after being "a single parent" for a week but it was worth it.
We took them to the fire works after spending the day at a Canada Day party. Layla loved the fireworks which is great because in the past she they were to loud. Thankfully he didn't mind the loud noise, but I felt like a bad mom for taking him. It was a relaxing week with Layla playing in the back yard. Uncle Jeff came for a visit and Layla just loved playing with him. Poppy is still off work so Bennett was able to cuddle with him. They were both great on the plane...except for one small problem. On the way there Layla taught herself how to take here seat belt off. On the way home she undid it during landing! I could have killed her...I was able hold her back but boy she will never do that again! That was really the only bad thing that she did, otherwise she was great and he slept the whole time!

Bennett Baker Mcduffie

On Thursday May 30,2013 our sweet baby boy was born. I had a scheduled c-section for 10 am planned although I was very surprised I went that far. Layla was born at 37weeks so I thought I would be lucky enough to have him a little early as well....but no such luck.
We dropped Layla at the Mcduffies Wednesday night since we has to be at the hospital by 8. I had a relaxing night and slept well.Of course Jatovi had a Bulls game. We go to the hospital and checked in to find out they were very busy, so I was worried about being pushed back. While we waited I skyped with my mom which was fun, but my Dad was still in the hospital recovering. Finally after 11 I was taken to the OR. Spinal was placed and this time I did not pass out, and they started. Jatovi came in wih Kuanda who stuck around to collect the cord blood. Her shift was over but being a great Aunt she didn't want to miss it. The team of Shanda, Amanda,Mary Cooley and Taft as well. Perfect team to start his life. He came out screaming and got apgars of 9 &;10 at 1211!! The best part was Jatovi carried my phone the whole time and my mom was on skype!! So it was the next best thing to her being there. In fact she saw more than sitting in the hallway waiting. He stayed with us the entire time they finished my procedure and then I carried him back to recovery. It was a nice 15 or so minutes of Jatovi and I sitting with him. But after about 15mins I asked Jatovi to take with that I felt dizzy. Within a few minutes of that a nurse came in since my monitor was alarming...she asked me how I was feeling and everything after that is kinda a blurr! I was bleeding heavily and had very low BP.I ended up with multiple people working on me, and poor Jatovi seeing things he will never forget. I am sure he will never look at me the same way again. Jatovi and Bennett got placed in the corner and that's where they stayed for a few hours while they worked on me. The best part I can see was for the first while my spinal was still in place because the amount of people pushing on my stomach has left he with the largest bruise so I can only imagine how much that would have hurt right after being cut open.
Due to this event my plans for Layla to meet her brother did not go as planned. They came around 4:30 and since I was still in recovery they only stated a few minutes. Layla came with her cute big sister shirt but I was   to tired and weak to put his on. She didn't say much but I am sure it was overwhelming coming into that small room with me hooked up to two different IV's and monitors still.
I stayed in the hospital until Sunday morning. I continued to bleed Saturday so they wanted to keep me to make sure I stopped. Bennett's blood sugar was fine per there protocol until he was 24 hrs old when it went to 32..so I finally stated to supplement. They had me convinced he would start eating better and it would come up. They were wrong. He latches just fine...but then does nothing.
Bennett is now a week old and breastfeeding still is a work in progress. With a nipple shield he has started taking the breast once or twice and day, when he feels like it. I can not stand pumping...it is twice the work so I really need him to come around. Not only that I am not sure I can keep up my supply with pumping only. I pump everytime I feed him and I am just keeping up..no extras. Layla breastfed so well I was not prepared for this. But I have to say he is a delightful baby!! His newborn coma  has allowed me to fall in love!! He never cries and in fact sleeps until I wake him up for feeds. I just can't believe how well he sleeps. The problem is I am on edge waiting for it to change. I know he can't be this good for ever. When he is awake he just looks around. He does not cry in the car seat like his sister did. The differences are crazy.
So I am trying to just enjoy his calm cuddly persoanlity while it lasts.
Layla seems to be just fine with him around. The first couple of days she wanted extra attention but that seems to be fading away. She calls him"Benny"which I think is so cute. I don't want anyone else doing it but she can have her own nick name for him.

Complete Sadness

I am 37 and 4 today. I will have our little guy on May 30, if he doesn't come on his own. With Layla my water broke on 37 &2 born after midnight. So he has already been in me longer. I guess I thought I may be lucky again this time to go a bit early. However with everything planned waiting till the 30 was best.My parents would be here the Sunday before. Dad would stay a week, and mom 2 weeks. This would also have my maternity leave timed right for our trip to Canada in August. Having them here would be great. Like last time Jatovi has Bulls games so they would be here in the evening while he worked. They would be here to watch Layla, and bring her to meet her little brother. My parents weren't there for her birth so it was going to be great having them here this time.
But none of this is going to happen. Last week we found out that my Dad has cancer. There I wrote it. There is no going back. It is true and I can't change it.
The 24 is Friday and he will be having surgery to hopefully remove it all. It is in his colon behind his spleen. I am glad the surgery got booked so fast but that means they will miss everything. After a very emotional and often sad pregnancy I am going to deliver my baby without any of my family here. Of course the reason is so sad I can't even put into words what I am feeling. Until the surgery and we find out how bad it really is I can not relax. What is important is my Dad is here for the next 20 years to watch him grow up, the birth is a small part of his life. But the overwhelming sadness I feel that the will miss just won't go away. I need to focus, I have not cooked, cleaned, or done anything since finding out. I need to get up and get ready he may be here anytime. This is not his fault and he doesn't deserve to come out to a sad mommy.
Jatovi has been so supportive  I can tell he is worried about me as well as my Dad, in fact he knew for 2 days before I did. My parents called him so they could pick a time we would all be home and I wouldn't have to find out alone. When I moved here at 25 I never gave stuff like this a thought. And traveling at 38 weeks is not a good idea. And my mom doesn't need to worry about me in labour while she is worried about my Dad.
So I will have my baby with the help of Jatovi's family. Layla will stay with his parents. Which she will love. While he is at games I will try to sleep and not try not to feel sorry for myself.
How can the saddest thing to ever happen to our family happen at one of the best times? It doesn't seem fair.

And it starts...

Went to the doctor this morning and it has started...yup sugars are high. I was crazy enough to ask about the "what ifs" after I passed the 3hour test. He told me to take some random sugars in the morning and see what my fasting are. So the first few were fine. However they creeped up and up and now I am on meds. The meds are the lowest dose and at night only. I am considered diet control during the day, since thoughs sugars are fine.However that also means once a week appointments...which I do not have time for:( Oh well I have to do what I can. My csetion is booked for May 30th at 1000. Jatovi really wanted it on his Dads birthday, and honestly I did not care either way so we went with that day. Jatovi thought it would be fun later in life for him to have that bond with his granddaddy. However we now have to see if we will make it to 39 and 2!! I am sure his name will Bennett Baker McDuffie. Some people are already calling him Ben, but I tend to stick to Bennett. I tried to get Layla to start calling him Reed again with no luck..."But Mommy his name is Bennett" boy the girl is stuck on Bennett. Jatovi wants Bennett more than Reed so I don't see it changing at this point.Layla still seems very excited, she asks all the time when is he going to big enough to come out. She has no idea how her little world is gonna change. She is going to have to share her Daddy!! But I really don't see any major problems with her. No more problems than her 3 year old self already has. Boy she has gotten sassy!! She is so grown up, very sad!!

Not a Diabetic?

So i failed my 1 hr glucose test...no big surprise. However my result was 159. Anything over 140 you have to do the three hour test. With Layla my one hour result was 220..didn't even have to do the three hour one. When you fail over 200 they just consider you a Gestational diabetic and you start treatment. So I was surprised to have to do the three hour one  in fact I was a little angry. What a waste of three hours of my life...all for the same results. The doctor I saw last week agreed there was no way I was going to pass, in fact she thought I would fail the 1 hr again. With the amount of meds I needed last time, and given the fact I was three years older she agreed I would fail. The reason we had this talk was I wanted to know what the protocol was if I did pass.I have seen so many babies that are gigantic and having sugar issues but the mom "was not a diabetic". So I feel like they are missing something in the way they treat patients  She did not have a lot of answers for me, just that yes they do agree they are missing some women.
My parents are here on vacation to help get the babies room ready which is great since I know needed a babysitter for three hours. So Monday morning I went and spent three hours off my life sitting in the doctors office. I was told I would hear Monday afternoon or Tuesday at the latest  I spent all day Tuesday with my phone near me waiting. The call never came. So this morning as soon as I woke I looked at my email, and sure enough there was a message saying I had a result in portal view. They only put reports of normal values in without talking to you. I was shocked. I opened it up and sure enough I passed the three hour test. I AM NOT A DIABETIC...or so they think. So I now have to wait until my next appointment to act like the crazy lady and find out what the next step is. I will probably be the first one to come and ask to be retested, but I don't want to take any chances. When you are a diabetic they test  you by NST and u/s twice a week because the baby is at such high risk for being still born, that going with no further testing doesn't seem safe to me. I will enjoy it while I can!!
This pregnancy has been so different, no heart problems(yet) not a diabetic yet) very little sickness. I just hope he continues to be this easy once he is out!!

27 weeks

After three trips to prenatal peek we finally have a few pictures of him. He has not been cooperative and they are not that great. But we will take what we can get!

23 weeks

So this second child is already a second child. With Layla I wrote about everything, however no time this time.

I feel fine for the most part. I am getting braxton hicks this time, which is all new. I don't think I had more than 3 tightening s with Layla the whole time. But this time they started at 21 weeks and happen every day. So very new. He has started moving more, but compared to Layla he seems to calmer. I do have an anterior placenta this time which makes a difference as well. I feel small movements however she was kicking hard from like 18 weeks on. They will not retest for diabetes until 28 weeks, so I have been enjoying food while I can. I need to slow down....gaining a lot of weight.

I think his name is Bennett Baker Mcduffie!!

We went through every boy name out there. And agreed on very little. I liked Henry but Jatovi then wanted to call him Hank, no thanks!I wanted Benjamin with Layla but this time it didn't feel right. So when I found Bennett I thought perfect, I still get my Ben!! Jatovi was not convinced at first so we went on think of more. In the mean time I asked Layla to say some names, and Bennett stuck! She kept calling him Bennett. I also thought Reed was nice, but after a couple weeks of Layla calling him Bennett Jatovi said I guess I am out voted! So here we have it.

I am taking classes towards my BSN so we have been busy around here. My parents are coming next month to do his room. So I am sure the next few months are going to go fast!

Santa

Merry Christmas Layla and Baby Boy Mcduffie

Merry Christmas Layla and baby BOY  Mcduffie! Yup, it's a boy!
We had a big surprise planned for my parents to be the one who told us, but it turned out bad, so I am not going to let the post be about that.

Layla loved Christmas however she was confused about Santa not being in the living room with the presents. So she still says Santa did not come. I guess for us telling her for weeks "he was coming" she thought he would be here. She had fun opening her gifts, as well as others gifts. She got a ton of stuff and

has played with it all. I guess she was due for some new age appropriate toys.

Good News

At my appointment I asked for them to write a prescription for my glucose meter supplies. They said that with out a diagnosis my insurance will not cover it. They stated they are looking at their protocol on gestational diabetic and they will check me now. Wow way earlier than I thought, but I guess it is better to know.Good news this test was fine .....92!
Don't know when they will check again, maybe 16 weeks. But until then I can eat what I want!

12 weeks, ThanksGiving and Grandparents!

I am 12 weeks now,moving right a long! I had my 12 week ultrasound this week and from what they could see he looks good. Way to early to see much though so still waiting to see if we will get a healthy little one or not. The depression sure got worse before it got better. In fact it has only been better while my parents have been here. Not sure what will happen now that they are gone and I have to go back to work.
My parents also came for a visit this week since it was Thanksgiving. We spent the afternoon at Jamels with the whole Mcduffie family. Layla had a great time with everyone together. I worried she would not really know my parents but I was sure wrong. When they pulled up she ran out to meet them, and enjoyed every minute for them being here. After dinner my parents and I went Black Friday shopping Thursday night. Toys r us opened at 8, so we went and joined the other crazies. We waited outside for 40 minutes and got a couple of the thing that were on sale, and had some fun doing it. My parents spoiled all of us, we are very lucky to have them!

11 weeks

I am 11 weeks now...moving right along.  This pregnacy is the same some ways and different in others.  I do think I am a bit sad this time. I cry all the time, hate my job/co-workers and just can't shake the fatigue. I am not sure if it will start getting better in the next trimester, but I sure hope so. I don't remember this with Layla, I was much happier. I have only had a couple of days of feeling sick, which is a lot like Layla. Before work, and if I don't eat regularly  A lot like Layla. Most people seem to think it's a boy, and I guess I do. But after last time I am not putting that much thought into it. We will find out on Christmas day. I don't like any boy names. Aiden is the only boy name I have ever loved....but way over used now. Jatovi doesn't want to talk names until after we know what it is. I have my next u/s on Tuesday, maybe after that some of the depression will go away. Worry all the time is making this hard.

Happy Halloween

Jatovi and I had a hard time picking a costume for Layla. The three of us just couldn't agree. So while at work I told them to just go  ahead and pick one already!

So Jatovi said he just let her pick...and she picked COOKIE MONSTER!! So cute. WE went out trick or treating with cousin Jameson. The two had a great time. So cute watching them walk hand in hand.

First Ultrasound

We had our first ultrasound today! One sweet baby, with a great heart beat of 180. The new Doctors office seems ok so far. It is new and clean which is a good start. There NP does the ultrasound so you can get results and can talk about the finding as you go. I think every practise should do this. Waiting and not being able to ask questions and here results as you go is painful. So she was very nice, and baby measures only 1day off so that is good. I then spent time reviewing everything else with a nurse. I asked for a prescriptions so I could do my blood sugars here and there to make sure they are good. BIG MISTAKE! I am now having my glucose test done on Wednesday. Insurance won't cover the supplies with out a positive result so they are going to check now. I had heard that they test at 16 weeks with future pregnancies......but she said they are reviewing that protocol right now. They think they should be checking earlier so I will be one of the first....lucky me. Next time I should keep my mouth closed!

I am starting to think its a boy again. I didn't want to think about it since I was soooo wrong last time. But I do think it's a boy. I guess we will see!