Please Pick One

Everything I have read says that babies before a year don't self wean. They may however go on a nursing strike. I guess this is what Layla is doing. Last week I worked 3 of 4 days and on my first day off she would not nurse. She nursed fine at night but it was 4 o'clock in the afternoon before she would eat. She was crying, mad and was making it very clear that she did not want to breastfeed. I stuck it out and while I was off for the next 4 days we got our routine down again. Well this week it started again and I just don't think I can keep doing this. I never thought I would nurse this long...and I really never thought I would nurse past 6 months. Well she is 6 months next week. So I guess I will have made it to my goal since I have to wean slowly so I don't end up in pain.
I have have mixed emotions about this new chapter in our lives. I have feelings that I was sure I would never have. "Mothers guilt" over using formula. I could not believe mothers felt bad about formula. We feed it to the babies at work everyday and they do just fine, I was a formula kid, I am just fine. So when I listened to mothers before I thought they were crazy. Well when I gave her her first 2 oz of formula this morning...I felt the guilt!
Layla has not helped me with this feeling. She then went on the refuse to nurse(expected), eat her lunch (carrots and oatmeal) and then puke it all back up! Layla has been sick with every meal...we are use to that. But this was different, gaging, crying, and many times over. I am sure there was not a drop of her food left in her. She then feel asleep in my arms. I was freaked! Was she sick, was it the formula? I have no idea. I made a quick appointment with the doctor to then call my mom and she talked me into cancelling it. At this time Layla was lying on my bed smiling and talking...acting perfectly healthy.
I put her down for a nap and I will see what happens when she wakes up.

Dear Layla,
Please pick one...Breast or Bottle! I am very stressed out over this. You need to eat and at this point I don't care which one...just pick one and feel better. I love you so much and can't stand to see you like this. It broke my heart to see you sick. I will breast feed forever if that's what you want(maybe not forever..but until you have teeth) as long as you don't feel sick.
So when you wake up from your nap please be feeling better and have made your choice.

Love You Always,
Mom