The worst day of my life.

I wasn't even sure I was going to write about it. In fact I planned to try to pretend it never happened. But I am writing this for Layla to read in years to come, so I guess it should include everything...not just the good parts.


Yesterday morning we woke up to warm weather and I had a bit of spring fever. I began collecting all of Laylas summer/spring clothes from the closet that her Grandparents had bought least year. I was planning on washing them, and Grannie had bought her a outfit on the weekend and it was still down stairs. I carried Layla down and grab the outfit...we walked back up stairs and we went into her room. I sat her down and started to take the tags off her outfit and I heard it. The unmistakable thumping of something or should I say some one falling down the stairs. The next hour is kinda a blurr...but what I do remember is screaming louder than I had ever have before while running down the stairs. She was lying there at the bottom....I think she was crying. I grabbed her and ran back upstairs to my phone and called Jatovi. He had left only a few minutes before so I knew he was close. I don't remember what I was saying or how I was saying it but he couldn't understand me and kept saying "what". Some how I got it through to him that he needed to come home. I then remember running around trying to find clothes to wear since I was still in my pj's. Jatovi was then there and I handed her to him and he took her to the car while I got dressed. I can't tell you what Layla was doing, I have no idea. The ride to Duke was the longest of my life. Layla was awake but kept falling asleep. It was her nap time but I was sure this was because of her "head injury". I kept calling her name and clapping my hands to keep her awake. She would cry when I startled her but what I was seeing was my child hurt probably beyond repair. I called Janet since she has worked in the ER before. She asked my alot of questions and reassured me that she has seem many children fall down the stairs and be fine.


After driving all the way to Duke yelling at poor Jatovi to drive faster...we arrived. I grab Layla out of the car seat and ran in. I ran right through the metal detector....the security guard could tell by my face I wasn't going to stop. He took my purse and let me go. I guess he gave it back at some point since I have it. As I ran up to the triage desk there were about 5 people sitting there, I said my daughter fell down the stairs. At that point the flood gate opened and I started to cry so hard I could barley breath. It was then that the people behind the desk all lite up with smiles...and handed me Kleenex. I wanted to throw the box at them...Layla was dying and they are smiling. Why hadn't they grab her from me and ran her to an exam room. I finally looked down at her and she had the biggest smile on her face! REALLY...REALLY could it be true? Is it possible to fall down 100 (at least that's how many I was seeing at the time) stairs and be ok? Even though she was smiling I was still crying and crying hard. I really should be embarrassed but I have never been so scared in my life. The nurses kept saying"What a cute baby...she seems to be doing better than her mom!" Layla was smiling and talking to them...me still crying. They got us checked in and took us right back. Thank god we didn't have to sit in the waiting room because I am sure I would have had a stroke. They took her vital signs HR 121 sat's 96%...ok this looks good. Jatovi was still parking the car, and it seemed like he was gone forever. But the nurses kept telling me shed looked good and all signs pointed to the fact that she was fine. Jatovi arrived and we sat and waited for the doctor to arrive. I don't think I was still crying but I can't be sure. Layla was sitting on his lap, talking playing and looking around. I think I started to calm down about this time. The resident arrived and did his exam. He talked to her looked in her ears and eyes, listened to her. The whole time Layla was laughing at him, smiling, playing with his ID card. I really wanted a CT scan but with her acting like this he didn't want to do one. And I have to admit I still wanted one how ever I already new I was going to lose this fight. He said the plan was to have her eat something and watch her for a bit and see if she remands this good, and the attending would also be coming in. Layla sat and ate cheerios and played. We were close to the nurses station so there were plenty of people for her to talk to and wave at. None of this behaviour help in my mission for a CT scan.

The attending came in and did the same exam and said he really didn't think a scan was necessary. Could I see any change in her behaviour? Well no I couldn't so I didn't seem to have a chance. We waited alittle over an hour and the whole time she waved and talked and played. She ate plenty of cheerios and kept them down. The attending came back and said she was free to go!

During this hour I called my mom and cried and cried talking to her again. Why can't she live closer?

Layla seems just fine in fact I am not sure she even remembers it. I on the other hand may never forget it. Jatovi always bugs me saying I want her to live in a bubble....if he thought that before he ain't seen nothing yet!