Yin and Yang

Before we had Layla I was terrified. For as long as I can remember I didn't even know if I wanted children. The hesitation was all fear based. Jatovi has always known he wanted children, and because I trust him with all of my heart, we took a chance.
Layla Katherine has been the BEST decision I could have ever made. Although mother hood has been so muck different than I could have thought. I was sure that a newborn baby would be great, sitting around holding your baby, watching it sleep. What could be better? But I was afraid that once the child grew up I wouldn't know what to do. Watching other toddlers over the years did nothing for me. They get into things , don't listen, and cry loud and this was not for me.
However in my life lessons that I have learned from my Lay, I found it to be the exact opposite. The baby stage was exhausting, and miserable for me.I need sleep and she gave me none, she cried all the time, so there was no sitting around holding her. As for Layla the toddler, I LOVE it. I adore her. She makes me laugh, she makes me smile and I have so much fun with her......most days!
Life with a two year is very interesting. She can warm my heart with a smile, make me laugh out loud with a questions, make coming home from work the best, but boy can she drive me crazy too!
She can be stubborn, demanding, and loud. She is messy and bossy. I can go from a terrible day with her, when I think will this day ever end. To waking up then next day to a perfect princess that I want to be with every second. It is days like this that keep me going. During the bad days I need to tell myself it is all worth it because tomorrow, she will look at me and say "I love you Daddy"..lol


Yin and Yang
Because living with a two year old has it's ups and downs I now find myself with a struggle internally again. " Do we have a second?" For most of Layla's short life I have thought...not a chance. She is perfect, lets not mess with that. However the older she and I both get I find myself thinking that one more might me ok. Although I am terrified again, it turned out ok the first time right? what could go wrong with another adorable child around?
See that is the problem, I can think of many things. The baby could be sick, I might not love it as much as Layla, it could cry more that she did, we can't afford it, more laundry to do, a messy house, and that's just to name a few. I see these other mom's that have 2 and 3 kids and just seem to know that's what they want. I just wish I didn't have the personality that worries about everything.
However what would I do with all of my free time if I wasn't worried about something? I can't imagine a life that calm. So for now I will worry about the future little Mcduffie like I did Layla and if it turns out half as well as she has then it will be ok.

Worry number one...getting pregnant!! Let the fun begin.