Monday, May 31, 2010
Dressing a Girl
So everyone knows I wanted a boy. But today I decided that one advantage to having a girl is I can dress her in the best clothes! Maybe my love of shopping will help us have a bond she and Jatovi can't have. I still worry from time to time about our relationship long term, but I have decided to let it go. I am madly in love with her and hope she will always feel the same about me.
Tuesday, May 25, 2010
The Journey Begins!
Layla is 1 month old, and I can't believe it. I love her more and more everyday. She is 20.5inches long and 8.2lbs. She no longer fits into new born clothes, well not easily anyways. She is very long and her toes would be crunched up at the end. She is perfect, beautiful in every way. I am not kidding myself and think everyone thinks she is perfect though. Since I am a tad older than my friends with having a child I have had several years of thinking"when I am a mom I won't do that" and one of those things is expect everyone to think my child is perfect and beautiful. I can't stand mothers like that. A mother is suppose to think that about their own child, but no one else has to think that. I have several friends that I think have really ugly children...but I am sure their mothers don't see it.
Layla is an OK baby, again I don't think she behaves perfectly. She cries at night between 11-12 or 1 a couple of times a week. During the day she sleeps looks around and eats. But I am lucky Jatovi is a fantastic dad he has all the patients in the world with her. They have their time at night together. I go to bed and he stays up with her. I think he looks forward to it, I think he likes feeling like he is making her feel better. And he does as soon as I go up to bed I hear her calming down. I am breastfeeding....and I hate it! But I feel as a mother it is my responsibility to at least try to breastfeed her. It is the natural food for her and best for her. If I can do at least 3 months I will be happy. My goal of course is the recommended 6 months. Other than the first week of nipple pain, it has gone well. She latches well and I have a good supply. I just really like to sleep and wish Jatovi could do the 3am feeds! But for now I will be happy with the knowledge I am doing the best thing I can for Layla.
My only frustration is that she doesn't really like her swing. She cries as soon as you put her in it, even before it is on. She will sit in her bouncy seat for a little while. The only thing other than being held that she likes is her boppy pillow. I won't let anyone hold her for long periods and she doesn't sleep in our bed(other than when I dowse off during feeds). I have managed to keep these rules up. Even during the week that Grammy stayed with us. My mom spent 2 weeks here, 1 week without my dad. It was a great week. I feel so much closer to my Mom after that week. She was such a great help, but really I just enjoyed having her to myself. I don't remember anytime it was just the 2 of us, my dad is always there.I will treasure that week for ever. Layla is lucky to have grandparents that love her so much.
The thing I wish I would remember for ever is how much I love watching Jatovi with her. I fell in love with him all over again. He is kind, gentle and patient with her. I find him sitting and watching her sleep. It takes him like 20min to change a diaper, and he always asks me to swaddle her because he doesn't think he can do it right. He "steals"my breast milk from the fridge because I think he loves feeding her...she can't be that hungry all the time when I am sleeping! He holds her like she is made of porcelain and he is going to break her any minute. But I wouldn't change a thing! I sure made the right choice of fathers for her,they are going to have a great relationship.
As for me, it still doesn't seem real to me. I have often thought "she is going to be with me the rest of my life" My love for her is stronger and stronger everyday. If I am out and call and she is crying it breaks my heart. My favorite thing about her is the look she gets after I have upset her. After a bath, or something she deems terrible while I nurse her she has this look in her eyes that says"how could you do that to me, I thought you loved me" It breaks my heart and puts a smile on my face at the same time! It is such a cute look.
I can't wait to see her smile...on purpose!
Layla is an OK baby, again I don't think she behaves perfectly. She cries at night between 11-12 or 1 a couple of times a week. During the day she sleeps looks around and eats. But I am lucky Jatovi is a fantastic dad he has all the patients in the world with her. They have their time at night together. I go to bed and he stays up with her. I think he looks forward to it, I think he likes feeling like he is making her feel better. And he does as soon as I go up to bed I hear her calming down. I am breastfeeding....and I hate it! But I feel as a mother it is my responsibility to at least try to breastfeed her. It is the natural food for her and best for her. If I can do at least 3 months I will be happy. My goal of course is the recommended 6 months. Other than the first week of nipple pain, it has gone well. She latches well and I have a good supply. I just really like to sleep and wish Jatovi could do the 3am feeds! But for now I will be happy with the knowledge I am doing the best thing I can for Layla.
My only frustration is that she doesn't really like her swing. She cries as soon as you put her in it, even before it is on. She will sit in her bouncy seat for a little while. The only thing other than being held that she likes is her boppy pillow. I won't let anyone hold her for long periods and she doesn't sleep in our bed(other than when I dowse off during feeds). I have managed to keep these rules up. Even during the week that Grammy stayed with us. My mom spent 2 weeks here, 1 week without my dad. It was a great week. I feel so much closer to my Mom after that week. She was such a great help, but really I just enjoyed having her to myself. I don't remember anytime it was just the 2 of us, my dad is always there.I will treasure that week for ever. Layla is lucky to have grandparents that love her so much.
The thing I wish I would remember for ever is how much I love watching Jatovi with her. I fell in love with him all over again. He is kind, gentle and patient with her. I find him sitting and watching her sleep. It takes him like 20min to change a diaper, and he always asks me to swaddle her because he doesn't think he can do it right. He "steals"my breast milk from the fridge because I think he loves feeding her...she can't be that hungry all the time when I am sleeping! He holds her like she is made of porcelain and he is going to break her any minute. But I wouldn't change a thing! I sure made the right choice of fathers for her,they are going to have a great relationship.
As for me, it still doesn't seem real to me. I have often thought "she is going to be with me the rest of my life" My love for her is stronger and stronger everyday. If I am out and call and she is crying it breaks my heart. My favorite thing about her is the look she gets after I have upset her. After a bath, or something she deems terrible while I nurse her she has this look in her eyes that says"how could you do that to me, I thought you loved me" It breaks my heart and puts a smile on my face at the same time! It is such a cute look.
I can't wait to see her smile...on purpose!
Wednesday, May 19, 2010
Breaking News....I am a MOM!!
I did not get to enjoy my 2 weeks off...on Friday April23 at 0257 my(our)life changed forever. Layla Katherine McDuffie was born!
On Thursday night I went for dinner with Susannah and we took a long walk. I had my usual "tightenings" that happened when I walked but once we stopped they stopped. I headed home about 2130, and headed upstaires to get ready for bed. I saw the nursery door was left opened, I went into the room and as I waslked in I felt fluid running down my leg. OMG...I was peeing myself. I tried running to the bathroom, but with every step there was more and more fluid. It was clear this was my water breaking! I started to call Jatovi over and over. You see he was at work at the Durham Bulls, but the game should have been almost over. After what felt like a life time (but was like 15min) he called me back.I felt so much better just hearing his voice and knowing he was on his way. The doctor on call was Dr.Andrew's, not my favorite, but when I called him he was really re asurring. I also called Miss McDuffie incase Jatovi didn't call back, and my Dad so they could start looking into plane tickets. So Jatovi and I were on our way to the hosptial, me sitting on a towel hoping not to get amonotic fluid all over the car. I was most worried about when the pain would start. I kept thinking any seconds the most pain I would ever feel would start...contractions! But they never came. At the hospital they found that yes my water brook, but I was not in labour. Infact my cervix was still closed and thick, and the babys head was not engaged yet. Based on this with the cardic issues a c/s was planned. Dr Andrews thought that even with a pitocin drip I would not have a vaginal delivery because "my body" was not ready. We did not want to risk infection so it would be done then!
Jatovis parents were at the hopsital with us, and my parents were kept updated via text message and calls. They were going to fly down in the morning.
The c/s went better than I thought, in fact way better. Very little pain over all, nothing a couple of motrin couldn't fix. She cried and had apgars of 9 and 9! It did feel like a life time from when they said she was being born until I herd a cry, but nobody else seemed to worry. Perm was the doctor on and I couldn't have been happier, I think this made the overall experience so much better. I trusted him completely with her life! After Jatovi took some pictures and he held her, they took her to the nursery. I was alone, but aft5er some nice drugs I dosed on and off. I then heard the nurse call the nursery to ask"What was baby girl McDuffies wieght" here it was the moment I had been waiting for....how had my diabeties effected her. 6lbs 7oz....what that can't be right that was perfect....I was so pleased.
We were in the hosptial until monday morning. The weekend is kinda a blurr. People visiting, no sleep, and painful breastfeeding. But our journey had begun!
On Thursday night I went for dinner with Susannah and we took a long walk. I had my usual "tightenings" that happened when I walked but once we stopped they stopped. I headed home about 2130, and headed upstaires to get ready for bed. I saw the nursery door was left opened, I went into the room and as I waslked in I felt fluid running down my leg. OMG...I was peeing myself. I tried running to the bathroom, but with every step there was more and more fluid. It was clear this was my water breaking! I started to call Jatovi over and over. You see he was at work at the Durham Bulls, but the game should have been almost over. After what felt like a life time (but was like 15min) he called me back.I felt so much better just hearing his voice and knowing he was on his way. The doctor on call was Dr.Andrew's, not my favorite, but when I called him he was really re asurring. I also called Miss McDuffie incase Jatovi didn't call back, and my Dad so they could start looking into plane tickets. So Jatovi and I were on our way to the hosptial, me sitting on a towel hoping not to get amonotic fluid all over the car. I was most worried about when the pain would start. I kept thinking any seconds the most pain I would ever feel would start...contractions! But they never came. At the hospital they found that yes my water brook, but I was not in labour. Infact my cervix was still closed and thick, and the babys head was not engaged yet. Based on this with the cardic issues a c/s was planned. Dr Andrews thought that even with a pitocin drip I would not have a vaginal delivery because "my body" was not ready. We did not want to risk infection so it would be done then!
Jatovis parents were at the hopsital with us, and my parents were kept updated via text message and calls. They were going to fly down in the morning.
The c/s went better than I thought, in fact way better. Very little pain over all, nothing a couple of motrin couldn't fix. She cried and had apgars of 9 and 9! It did feel like a life time from when they said she was being born until I herd a cry, but nobody else seemed to worry. Perm was the doctor on and I couldn't have been happier, I think this made the overall experience so much better. I trusted him completely with her life! After Jatovi took some pictures and he held her, they took her to the nursery. I was alone, but aft5er some nice drugs I dosed on and off. I then heard the nurse call the nursery to ask"What was baby girl McDuffies wieght" here it was the moment I had been waiting for....how had my diabeties effected her. 6lbs 7oz....what that can't be right that was perfect....I was so pleased.
We were in the hosptial until monday morning. The weekend is kinda a blurr. People visiting, no sleep, and painful breastfeeding. But our journey had begun!
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